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He only texts me late at night?
22/F
Keep in mind we live on opposite ends of the country.
When I started talking to this man, I became very attracted to him. Not just because I find him physically attractive, but also because I appreciate his maturity level. He's 29, and I'm wondering if I'm even relationship material to him. When we first started talking it was because he had sent me a friend request on Facebook due to the fact that we had several mutual friends and were from the same town. We hit it off really well and quickly became friends. We had things in common and were both very attracted to one another, inside and out (as far as I know). It started out with him sending me the "Good morning" texts that every woman loves to get, and also occasional texts throughout the day. We would talk to each other well into the late hours of the night, or sometimes even early morning. Due to the long-distance factor, these conversations started moving towards phone sex and sexting. And then, FaceTime sex.
This is where my question comes into play. Now he ONLY will initiate a conversation at night. Like around 10 or 11pm, sometimes even 12 or 1am. My question is: Has he lost interest in me as maybe a potential girlfriend for him? Have I just become his sexy, late night sext or FaceTime session? Because I'm pretty certain that when a guy truly does like a woman and is interested in her, he actually takes time out of his day and makes that extra effort to see how she's doing throughout the day as opposed to just at night after his day is completely over and laying in his bed.. Right? Or am I just being paranoid? I know it's not like we can just hang out whenever we want like if we were in the same city, but it still has to mean something that he's only talking to me at night now right? Whenever I try to initiate conversations during the day, either in the morning, afternoon, or evening, he either doesn't text back for a few to several hours or he just waits until way later on. Like what I was saying earlier about 10 or 11pm. He does work, but that didn't stop him before.. Why all of a sudden now? It makes me really sad because I actually really like him, and have developed feelings for him. I'd really like to make plans to go see him, or have him come see me, but what I don't want is for us to have sex and then him not want to take things further. I'd like to be his girlfriend. Not necessarily right now, but I'd like for things to end up going that way. Would sleeping with him ruin that for me? I'm just really interested in him, and it would legitimately hurt if things didn't go towards the "official relationship" direction. What do I need to do to ensure he sees me as girlfriend material? And do I need to tell him straight up that I don't want to be his long-distance booty call, or do I just ignore any advances of sexting on his part and hope he gets the idea?
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Speaking from a perspective of a guy...your intuition is correct. All those nice sweet things he did previously were simply a gateway to get to where he really wanted. Once that line was crossed, there was no longer any need to continue. Most likely he just enjoys the attention and gets a rush out of it. I think you need to dial it back. Make it clear through your actions (or inactions, rather) that sexy pictures and video are not your intentions. If he falls out of contact, your suspicions are confirmed.
Most guys in his position are either too shy to have a real relationship, or are currently in one and either not getting the attention they crave or simply want more. Either way is not exactly relationship material, especially considering the distance. If you want to go to the full expense and risk of a cross-country trip, I suggest you make certain of his intentions first. I also think you should withhold sex from the equation as much as possible. He'll fight that. After all, you've seen and "enjoyed" each other already, so what's the harm? In other words, you need to make sure he knows what you want out of this relationship, and that his intentions match yours. Otherwise, you're going to pay for plane tickets just to get banged and dropped back off at the airport.
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