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Boy Troubles
I am a 15-year-old girl and I need help deciding between two boys. One I have liked for years, but we barely ever talk anymore, we'll call him J. One I just recently met and I'm starting to develop a little crush on him, I'll call him B. I've liked J since 5th grade but I'm pretty sure he likes this girl named Anna. B is sweet and all, but we don't has history like J and I.
It's not like I can just ask J out and if things don't work out skip over to B because they are rely good friends and don't date girls that the other has already dated to avoid arguments. So should I take a shot at J, even if the odds are slim, or try for B and get to know him and hope that I get over J?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Light of truth mentioned something important, about deciding what you like in a guy. So step away and start making that list based on what you have experienced so far. This means you really have to give it some thought. This list takes many many years and many experiences with hanging out or dating different guys to complete. But you can work with a beginners list. Anything can go on the list, even if its that you like: how his hair is styled or cut, the color of his hair, sound of his voice or his laugh, sense of humor, his good manners, his hobbies and interests, etc. Whenever you put something on this list, ask yourself why you like it? How does it make ylike ou feel? For example, my husband, and one boyfriend in my past, both have voices that sound soothing to listen to. Kind of like the smooth mesmerizing sound of voices of male DJ's on the radio. I find I tend to relax as I listen to such a voice. And yes, that may sound superficial but in a long term relationship someday which most of us long for, including marriage, being around someone 24/7 which the voice grates on your nerves, can become a problem for the relationship.
I know of some women who have successfully told the guys that she has interest in her that she is in the information gathering stage and is not going to decide to date one guy exclusively. I have done this too. Most guys if told this ahead of time will have no problem with you hanging out with one guy one day, and the other the next, or both of them together. This should work whether you're a teen, or at any age even older adults.
When you have spent enough time with both of them to get to know if you like one more or dont like either one enough to commit to a dating relationship, then let them know what your decision is. If you ever come across a guy who can't handle the idea of you hanging with or seemingly going on dates with several guys at the same time and want an instant commitment up front, this kind of guy isn't worth your time because he'll tend to be insecure and the jealous and controlling type. Those dont make good boyfriends or future husbands.
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Whenever a girl is having trouble deciding between two guys, I always tell them to take a step back and figure out your feelings.
The thing is, if you do go for B while still having feelings for J, that can just mess you up. What if you don't get over J? Then you're dating his good friend and really wishing you were with him.
So I say don't rush anything. Maybe get to know both of them a little better. Figure out what you're looking for in a guy besides him being cute, funny and nice. Figure out what values you'd like him to have, how he treats his friends and family, how he treats strangers, ect. Then also look at their interests and see if any match up with yours.
Just remember, if you do go after one and it just doesn't work out, there are tons of guys out there. You're 15 and have so many more guys to meet.
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