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Where To Go After A Break Up
19/f
My boyfriend broke up with me last week. We were together for two years and he told me he just doesn't love me anymore.
I've been having random moments of crying out of no where. I never knew it really hurt this bad. I know it's only been a week, but I want this pain to go away and it feels like it will last forever.
So I've been trying to do what I give advice to other people after they get out of a relationship. I try to keep myself busy. I go to work, but even there I find myself getting upset. I hang out with friends every second I can just so I don't have to sit at home alone.
How long does this last? Like I really just want to leave town and start over somewhere else.
Where do I go from here?
I mean I can try to find new hobbies, but everything I've ever wanted to do costs money and my parents use mine all on bills since we live paycheck to paycheck. At this moment I can't really buy anything for myself. The most I do is read but I find myself feeling so heart sick.
I know it takes time. But how long does this feeling last? Can anyone just tell me how to get past this whole grieving thing and pick myself back up?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
When a person is truly 'in love' with someone, and showing them unconditional love, there is no such thing as "falling out of love". There are other things combined together that can portray themselves as love, such as being attracted to visually, feeling the lust sexually, excitement of the newness of, etc.... in most case's this kind of love, is more about what it does for the individual rather and how it made him feel rather than how he could love you. It's easier to say I love you than to live I love you.
Age and inexperience is a factor too. Without experiencing several different people in dating for a good period of time, there is no one to make comparisons with to know if you are settling for less or there is something better. Dating should not be about getting locked into a relationship for forever with the first or 2nd person who asks you out.
Somehow, society has sent a message to young people that it is more important to be part of "a couple" than it is to find the right person to live long term with. And probably 98% of us are not lucky enough to find real true love with a high school sweetheart. I acknowledge it exists but it is rare.
Another thing people do not take into account is that with every new relationship, there is a heightened energy we all feel in the beginning, it can last weeks and months and maybe, just maybe up to a year but I have not yet heard of it lasting for 2 years...so I am guessing that this has been some time in coming, maybe for the last whole year. This NRE, new relationship energy with someone you start dating, always wears off after a while. The NRE is enough for many to believe they are in love and they rush into marriage. Many married couples today are not in love with each other or at least one isn't. Some are content with that, and those who aren't, begin having affairs, or break up, such as is your case.
Something was missing for him. He may not know what exactly but at least he recognized he did not feel the way a guy should with someone you're in love with. So even though it hurts now, he did you a favor in breaking up. Would you rather have lived the rest of your life with a man who filled an empty space but was nothing more than just a friend because he did not feel that romantic love for you, or the unconditional love.
Now don't beat up yourself and think that you are lacking in some way. Just as one person likes chocolate icecream over strawberry, does not mean that one is truly better, they are just different, and variety is what this world is made up of. Personal preferences come into the picture, not just what we are visually attracted to. So you were not the right person for him as far as long term relationship goes, there likely wasn't enough there to really sustain a relationship.
If you desire to find a guy to live the rest of your life with, and want to start searching now, best to come up with a list of what you want and what you need. Like if you wish to have children some day, you have a need to find a man who wants children someday, loves kids, if you're religious and must have a believer too, then thats a need,a must too. A Need is something that there's no middle road about, it's either there or not and if not, then he's not a guy to be considered. Wow a man views women was important to me, i didn't want one who degraded women all the time, and felt men were superior. My husband acknowledges females are superior in many ways if not all and treats me like a Queen, tending to wait on me hand and foot quite often. I know you are still hurting. This pain will pass in time. If distractions aren't working, I hope that what I have shared about how attractions and love work in relationships will have some impact, at least to get your mind thinking differently about your loss. Just maybe, if he wasn't the right guy for you, if you could begin thinking about it as maybe something that was for your best interest in the long term, the fact that he broke up with you, then you may find it easier to get over the pain sooner. Without the mind understanding these things, it will be a lot longer and harder. I'd like you to have a better idea of what you are looking for in a guy and be better equipped to spot the true genuine love next time around not some weak copy of it. This will also help you be more confident to try ageven though you're ready, rather than hold back out of fear of being hurt again. good luck dear.
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All that will leave when tou decides.Don't overthink of him,actually don't think at all.Meet new people,find funny thing to do(that don't reall cost).You can go to the cinema,to read interesting books and to do everything you have wanted to do when you was with yoyr boyfriend but that you didn't!Try to think and say yourself that you're way better than him!You didn't lose him,he lost you!Repet it every second when you thinks of him!something else would be to change your look,you know to be a really hot chic and all the boys will be like:'oau mamma,give me your number!'You will see that everything will come back at normally even better than it was!Hope i could help!:))
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