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screw you!
you know what? screw you alright?! if I wanted someone to tell me how I felt then I wouldn't come on here!! you have no position to tell ANYBODY there beliefs or feelings!! yes, porn is an issue.. but I never once said that it was worse and the lying?! and how the heck do you know whether I respect MY husband or not?! just because I don't like him watching porn and the fact that I hate that he lies about it does not mean one bite that I have no respect for him!!! maybe you need to quit "trying" to give advice to people when you have NO earthly idea what you are saying!!!!!
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I'm actually really glad to get this, because now I feel you've actually read what I wrote, and aren't just asking the same question again. I know you'll think I'm being insincere, but I'm really not: Thank you. There is nothing more frustrated then feeling you are having a back and forth with someone where they aren't listening to/reading what you have said.
I can understand why you are angry. I can understand why you'd interpret my comment as 'telling you what you feel' but that isn't exactly what is happening here.
I'm not telling you your beliefs or feelings - I'm reading what you wrote about your beliefs, feelings, thoughts and actions, and responding to it. All advice comes with "In my opinion," tagged to the beginning of it, even if the advisor doesn't explicitly say that. My interpretation may certainly be wrong, but interpretation is all you ever get when you ask for advice. You can disagree with me, but it's helpful to realize that I'm interpreting and responding to what you put put out into the world.
Your husband is actually in the exactly same boat as me! In the end, he certainly knows you far better, but he also can't innately know your own beliefs, thoughts and feelings. The thing he is going to react to the strongest are the words and behaviours you put out in the world.
I believe, based on everything you've said to me and to others here, that on this subject you are behaving in a way that your husband is likely to interpret lying as the correct response to you. Where lying is the kindest and most respectful thing he can do for you. You and I might think he is wrong to lie, but just like I can understand why you are offended by my interpretation of your words - even though your interpretation of what I said isn't what I intended! You also need to appreciate why your husband may reasonably come to that interpretation of your behaviours and words - even if it's not what you really intended!
I'm sure you do, in general, respect your husband very much, but your own words do not reflect that in these questions. Your approach to the issues of porn in your marriage is not rooted in a desire to understand, or compromise or respect. You are not taking an approach that is going to lead anyone to think what you actually want is honesty and discussion.
Please, consider counselling, for both of you or just for yourself.
Good luck.
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