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frustrated
I really appreciate your help and your words in themselves! although.. I understand that you are a man.. I am a female.. we have different views.. I wasn't raised to hate porn or think that it was wrong! and I can certainly not sit here and tell you that I have never watched it before! because that would be a lie.. and you say the pictures and videos are for fantasy.. sure.. but he has nude pictures and videos on his phone of me.. the same phone that he uses to look up and watch the porn. and I definitely do not want this issue to create a huge line between me and my husband.. if I didn't love him I wouldn't be with him or be upset with this situation.. my main problem is that he lies to me about it and hides it from me.. when in the past I have told him numerous times that if he gonna watch just tell me.. and don't hide it from me.. and the fact that he continues to hide it from me and lie to me is what makes me extremely mad!! for example just the other day I was not going threw his phone I went on it to look something up because mine was dead and we were at a friends house and as soon as I pulled up his google app it popped up his history where he was looking up porn.. a little while later he could tell that something was bothering me and he asked me what was wrong and as soon as we were alone I mentioned it to him calmly.. and surprise surprise he denied it!! like seriously.. it doesn't just pop up in your history unless you typed it in and you pushed enter and you looked it up.. so of course at the point when I seen that I went to his internet and clicked on the history and he deleted the history on that!! sure all men out there wont understand where im coming from and they just defend the fact that its a "guy thing"i guess I will never understand and I guess its something I will have to love with even though I would much rather not live with it.. but what hurts the most is that I have told him SO many times how it makes me feel about myself and then he promises he doesn't and wont watch it.. and then turns around and watches it anyways.. it just really makes me feel like he doesn't even care one bit about my feelings.. because basically if he did care... he would keep his promises knowing how it makes me feel about myself!!
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I'm not sure where to go in answering you with this question. I now have a better idea of how you feel and an understanding of your views of pornography. What I can't reply to is why your husband is lying to you or maybe I can give you some reasons but not his reason.
Pornography is a very personal thing as it is a fantasy, one that is not always something you want to share or even play out. There are all types of pornography out there to be viewed or read.
My wife is all caught up in certain Romance Novels one of the authors of happens to be someone who lives just a few streets away from where we live. I do not know if you are in to some of these Romance Novels but some of them are more trashy than some of the erotic literature that is written in some of the men's magazines. My wife likes them it her break from reality so who am I to judge. She does not hide it from me which is a difference from your situation.
Fantasy by definition is an escape mechanism. I don't know what type of pornography your husband looks at. Is it just naked women in general or does it follow a theme. If it follows a general theme say women with the opposite breast size then yours. Then this is a fantasy or fetish that he may not wish to share with you. As long as it is just a fantasy or a fetish and goes no further; why push the matter. You know he looks, you know he is going to lie about it and the lying is the only real problem between you. His looking at the pornography is not the problem if I have read what you wrote today correctly. This is a departure from your original letter.
Why he lies I can't say I don't know him. It could be from embarrassment of getting caught, he is embarrassed by what he is looking at, as in the type of porn. When it comes to sex and pornography people have all types of likes, dislikes and fetishes.
There are 26 letters in the alphabet and if I put some thought to it I could probably come up with a fetish or sexual act for each letter. I would say based on what you have told me, is that his viewing habits are very personal and something he is not ready to share with you. I do not believe he is trying to hurt you or demean you as a women or his wife by what he is looking at.
My advice for now is that since you do not have a problem with pornography in general. That you let sleeping dogs lie for now. Then one night when the mood is right you can broach the subject again this time from a different angle. From the angle of your okay with pornography but feel left out when it is hidden from you. Maybe once you know what he likes to look at what is fantasy all or part could become reality if shared. Just a thought but something along that line of thinking.
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