Ok so this boy came round my house today and gave me a Christmas present and told me he loves me. And he thinks we are dating when we are not because I already have a boyfriend. so I have to keep lying to the boy so I don't hurt his feelings and I my boyfriend. but I am so confused on whether I should just go out with none of them because everyone is saying my boyfriend doesn't care about me and the boy does. it's just really stressing me out and I don't know what to do anymore.....
If you're with your boyfriend and you don't want to be with him, then break up with him.
Don't listen to what other people say. It's none of their business who you date. So if you don't want to be with your boyfriend, don't be with him. But don't keep lying to this other boy. [ lightoftruth's advice column | Ask lightoftruth A Question ]
Dragonflymagic answered Tuesday December 24 2013, 9:59 pm: The boy who gave you a present and said he loves you is actually just very attracted to you and likes you in a surface level way. It can't be love because it doesnt work that way, at least 99% of the time it doesn't. It takes time to get to know a person deeply enough, the kind of time spent together in each others presence over time so being in love with someone one hasn't even dated is not very likely at all.
So this puts him at the same level as any other guy who might be attracted to you. Attraction is the first level of possible future relationships. Having conversation with and enjoying how they think and communicate then leads to dating where both people agree to start hanging out together, spending time together.
In this process of lying to the boy to avoid hurting his feelings, exactly how much conversation are you having with him and how much time are you spending letting him hang around?
Without realizing it, you may have been sending him a message that you are indeed interested in him. If so, no wonder he thinks you are dating and that he has a chance with you. Accepting the gift without any objection is also leading him on.
If you are young, teen or college age, dating should be a time to date several different guys so you can form an idea of what you are attracted to, what type of guy treats you best, etc. and you can't learn that from continuously settling on dating only one guy for as long as possible. Without comparison between a couple different guys, its much harder to know if the one you are currently with is really a nice guy and your friends are mistaken, or whether he's a douch-bag and they are right. If the only reason you haven't agreed to date the other guy is because you are dating someone else, you will need to ask yourself some questions about each guy. Does it feel likes he's really into you? Does he compliment you? Does he tend to encourage you in things you have an interest in? Does he feel like a best friend? Do you feel attracted to him romantically? If the current boyfriend leaves you wondering, maybe its time to tell him you are going to date others and let him go. If you are attracted to the one who gave you a gift, then spend some time getting to know him better. If you want to be in a position of not having to break up with anyone for a while, at least until you are of an age where you feel ready to marry or commit to a long term relationship, and being able to date and check out any new guy that comes along, then let each guy know that you are not dating exclusively yet. You are dating to decide what you really like in a guy first. But that may be too much for you, in which case, you will need to be gentle in your words but be firm when you tell someone you will no longer be dating them. If they ask why, the easiest answer that won't hurt is that you don't feel a chemistry. There has to be some kind of chemistry to be friends.
This is not about being a slut if you are strictly dating without being sexual to learn. If you get to the point in a relationship where you have serious feelings for one person, thats the time to say goodbye to everyone else and make a commitment to him and then enjoy whatever else the relationship has to offer.
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