|
No contact?
Well not contacting him at all was very difficult so i stopped by andmessgaged him a couple times saying good luck for the finals and asked a bit about what classes the finals were on that day etc just dmall talk and then made an excuse to leave it on a happy note or something so we dont get into an argument. Christmas is coming up i was wondering if i should get my ex something? Or should i not... Because when it was my birthday he paid no mind to it... /: i also asked him to christmas in the park yesterday... And he said why do you want to go on satirday we have the whole break. Turns put that he told me after a while of talking that he was going to sg saturday. But does that mean hes okay with seeingme? But its confusin because after i was like this meeting is important to me and he said that its only important to you not me. So i was like confused... Im going to try to ask him again to see me soon is that an okay desicion? Because its realllllly hard not talking to him at all caus wim scared hes moved on plus its winterbreak so i want to take advantage of this break to see him and to find out the truth and see if theres any hope at all.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You're not asking enough direct questions or asking for clarification on things he says. And my guess is that subconsciously you may be afraid to ask on the spot because you are afraid of the answer. Your gut instinct is already telling you the answer.
I dont know what sg is, but when he said he was going to sg Saturday...thats when you should have asked, "So you are really busy on Saturday? Be honest because I dont want to assume you really want to continue to see me around if you'd rather not.
See how simple it is?
You probably don't even know why he broke up with you. In some relationships its mutual and both realize that as nice as the other may be, that they are not right for each other for a long term relationship or marriage which is the ultimate goal. Some of us start dating only to find out more about the person after initial interest, not because we want to make a commitment to them. Then reason for most break ups is that one or both people have learned all they need to know about the other and realize they are wrong for each other. What one person is feeling that feels right to them, perhaps you in this case, is not being felt by the other. There isn't anything you can do to help him feel that by forcing yourself into his life even as just a friend for now to keep reminding him of what he's missing.
Every successful relationship needs for the couple to be each others best friend and needs to have chemistry--that romantic spark felt and sexual compatibility felt for both partners.
If one or both of these...two important foundations to a relationship is missing, then it won't work for long and trying to revive a dead horse or drag it along on the ground behind you to make it seem you're both still together will not work for long because there is no future. Both need to really be in love with the other and both putting in 100% effort to make it work.
It is our very own uniqueness that may be wrong for one person and right for another. Trying to change yourself to make another love you wont work...I tried after a year of marriage doing that and somehow made it work for 30 miserable abusive years where he was always angry and upset with me. Why? Cus on a subconscious level he knew I wasn't the right one and pretending to be someone I wasn't made him lose respect for me and caused bitterness that he didn't have what he really wanted...neither of us had any passion or romantic feelings for each other, no matter what counseling, books or other things we tried. Chemistry is a pheremone connection. If that isn't a compatible connection, you can't change your pheremones any more than you can change your skeletal structure.
I can't tell you to talk to the guy or not. But right now as it stands, if he broke up and is your ex boyfriend, thats a sign he already decided to move on as far as a romantic couple. Whether he still wants to see you as a friend, I don't know. Forcing yourself into his life by contacting him too often as "a friend" isn't going to do you or him any favors. For you, its constantly beating yourself up and reminding yourself of what you can't have. For him, it likely will cramp his style if he meets another girl and his ex keeps calling or showing up to ruin things for him and the new lady.
Without changing who you are, you want to find a man who has some of those nice qualities you like in the ex, but with whom there is that compatibility with friendship with. Let me explain a little more clearly what the ideal person you are looking for is.
Think of a girlfriend you have or have had. She loved you as a friend and that love was shown in how she treated you. You weren't afraid to let her see you on the days you were sad, angry, upset. She's see you at your best and at your worst and cared about making you na'rfeel better. She knew all the things that were special to you, favorite foods, hobbies, beliefs. You both could share your deepest feelings. Any goals or desires of yours, she would encourage you in, be supportive, she did special little things like remember your birthday, buy a little gift to add to your collections of whatever, in essence, she knew you inside and out and still cared about you, accepted you as you are unconditionally.The only thing that wasnt there was a romantic/sexual love unless you are bisexual.
The point I want to make is...thats exactly what to do for in a guy. That best girlfriend qualities. You were never close friends with every girl in school, right? For one thing, you don't have enough time to devote to each friendship and you'd be spreading yourself too thin. Plus you were not attracted to some girls as friends, you just didn't click cus your personalities were so different. Apply the same logic with guys and you can't go wrong. If you wanted to be friends with a certain girl but she didn't like you, it didn't work out too well, did it? You could keep showing up and following her around like a lost puppy dog hoping she'd change her mind but if she really didn't like you for a friend, at some point she probably told you to get lost.
Only difference with guys is the sexual attraction/romantic feelings added in. Just as you can't force someone to be friends if the personalities don't match, you can't force a passionate relationship if the pheremones don't match.
With all that info, do you still think he is the right guy and for some insane reason he is ignoring the fact that you and he are both the best friend to each other that you've ever had and ignoring the fact that the two of you both have great desire and perfect passion for each other. Do you really think if a guy felt those two thing from you and desired to be those two things to you, the best friend ever and best lover ever, that he would break up with you or need distance at the very least?
Nope, to think so is just lieing to yourself dear.
]
More Questions: |