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What to do?
Youve answered some of my questions before but heres a recap in case. Pretty much ive been in a relationsgip with my boyfriend for over a year and weve broke up for thee months so far. Its been weird, in person the last two times weve seen each other we got intimate an he told me he loved me and missed me. But then after a while when we texted each other he told me that e realized that its maybe better to move on because he wants to live his life independently such as due to his parents expectionas my expectations and such. Hes going through a hard time from family. And when i talk to him about us then he get mad and says hurtful things. But when i try to talk to him casually i end up asking a lot of questions so we can talk because his responses are short. I didnt talk to him for two days because while in an argument he told me he has nofeelings for me anymore because he has no feelings for anything anymore not even his family because hes so tired of everything. And so i got hurt and didnt talk to him at all for two days. Then the third day my friend from his school(we got o diff schools) told me that my ex laid his head onto this girls lap.(this girl had tried to break ud apart in the beginnin of our relationship and he used to like her a lot a few years back but it turned out that she used him to get over her ex and so he left) so i got jealous and possesive and talked to him casually wising him goodluck for his finals. We then talked a bit and then we didnt even finish talking and he told me that he had to go to sleep because he had a speech the next day and sayd "talk later or whatever" (sounds like hes okay with talking to me perhaps?) ad then finals came and we both were busy soi kept the talking to a minimum so we can study. Then i talked to him recently friday asking if we can hang out on saturday to go to christmas in the park(a christmas themes festival of sorts) on saturday and then he said why saturday? And i told me vecause i like a soon as possible kind of thing and he told me"we have the entire break" (idk if this means hes okay with hanging out with me?) an then i got him kinda annoyed and then i told him that this was important that we see each other cause hes different to me in person and then he told me"its important to you not me" (i was sad from this...) and then im planning of asking him again if we can go to christmas in the park tomorrow. I dont know what i can do to rekindle his love for me. Like i know he has feelings most likely but he just kinda doesnt want anyone like pushing him to reach their own expectations. How can i get my boyfriend back... Please help. I dont want togo down without a fight. Ive bettered myself because i can live independently but its just i miss his love and i want to be there for him at his time of need like i used to be able to do. Please help me get him back..
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The extra details help here. I would say he is not interested in you at all romantically. And you are quickly doing all the things to kill the chance of even just remaining 'just friends' with him.
I have read the advice of a male dating specialist who gives advice to women, what to do and what not to do.
Here's a synopsis of what a gal does wrong or causes problems if she doesn't understand:
1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wants and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women tranlate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.
Number one works the other way too. A guy who isn't interested romantically but willing to just be friends, will find even the desire to be friends killed by her constant "Can we talk, can we meet, can we go somewhere" Whats final in his mind for whatever reason can not be changed. But you can only greaten the chasm between you and him if he's willing to be just friends.
Hon, what you may be confusing for his initial love for you may have been nothing more than NRE, new relationship energy which as far as feelings of attractions and passions, is like that shot of adrenaline going through you. And like adrenaline, after some time, it wears off. All relationships start with NRE, its what you are left with once it wears off that is a true indicator if the both of you are right for each other. You either have a pheremone attraction or you don't. You can't change your pheromones.
It doesn't sound like depression or I might answer different and encourage you to try to not give up. You said his parents have expectations. If he is under legal age, he pretty much is stuck having to abide by his parents rules while living under their roof as far as how old he must be to date and dictating who he can date. If he is an adult, it doesnt matter what they say, he can do what he pleases. He doesn't like living up to what parents you and maybe what society expects of him. The guy may need some professional counseling to discover what he is 'resisting against' the battle is in his mind. Perhaps he knows but is afraid to accept doing and being the person he is meant to be. Maybe its over life goals and vocation issues, then again, maybe he is asexual, bisexual, transgender or gay and has not been able to own up to that and can't tell anyone and will deny it because he isn't ready to accept himself that way and your expectations of just a loving romantic dating relationship of course can never be if thats the case. Who knows...I am just supposing here and my guess could be wildly off.
So you want to know how to get him back? Well, everyone has free will so other than your discovering a way to rob him of free will and make him do as you wish, it isn't going to happen. In all my life, I have never found a way to make a person do something they don't want to do. Its like that saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"
If he truly has some mental issues that need a counselor to help iron out, he needs to come to that conclusion himself and won't take kindly to others telling him to see a counselor.
Hon, all of us want to feel loved and desired by someone, to feel special because someone cares about us. You're just kidding yourself if you think just having his presence in your life will be enough and make all the difference. If his heart isn't there along with his presence it will be like hanging out with your brother, and never be the romantic returned love that you are seeking.
But you don't have to believe me on that, sometimes life experience is the best teacher.
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