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Why I am feeling like this?
I'm thirteen and female. I have felt rather confused about who I am lately.
I'm going to start with the fact that I just can't stand to look like a girl. When I look in the mirror, I dislike what I see. It's almost like I'm looking at a stranger. I mean, what I see on the outside doesn't really match who I am on the inside.
I want to cut my hair short, but my parents would never let me, so a lot of times I have to hide my hair with the hood of my sweater. And I wear clothes from the guys' section because it makes me feel more like my true self.
If I am going to a formal event and my mom makes me wear a dress, it feels extremely wrong, and I get upset about it.
When I see guys, I sometimes get jealous that I'm not one of them. And if someone refers to me as a "girl" or a "lady," I get frustrated about it and feel depressed. I get upset that they think they know who I really am, and I wish I could be referred to as a guy instead.
And once someone thought I was a guy and not a girl, and it made me really happy.
What is making me feel like this? I'm just so confused. But then I'm only thirteen, and I guess I'm going to change a lot before I'm an adult. But this is bothering me so much and making me feel depressed, and I can't stop thinking about it.
If you have any advice, I would really appreciate it. And please don't judge me. I'm already insecure enough. . . .
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
First don't be depressed over what your are feeling right now for it is quite normal. I also understand why you feel insecure right now and you really should not be. I know both of these statements are easy to say but hard to do. Try just relaxing and being you for now, the you that you feel you need to be. Yes you may have to please mom by wearing a dress from time to time but this to is normal.
What is happening is you're having a gender identification problem. There are a lot of reasons as to why you are having this particular problem that are just to long to go into here. It also requires a two way conversation to identify why you are having this problem. I will say that in part it is being caused by puberty or it was triggered by puberty if you are just first starting to have this problem.
Now how to deal with this. You are going to have to tell your parents how you feel and ask them for professional help to sort through this. Neither your parent or I are qualified to help you with this. You need the help of a qualified psychologist who will work for you to identify just who you are gendered as.
Just as gay are born gay. It is possible for a man to be born in a female body or the other way around. Sort of transgendered if you want. Why this happens doctors are still trying to find out. Your chromosomes still show you as female but in every other way you identify as male and would be more comfortable in a males body.
If this is truly the way you feel then you are not a lesbian you are transgendered. Your parents cannot wish this away or force you to feel different by forcing you to dress as your gender appearance. It is also not a phase. This was the way you were born.
To understand who you are and to insure this is not just a hormonal problem of puberty takes professional help for you. Also for your parents for you are not a freak of nature you are their child and you need their love and support to get through this and find your true gender identity.
It is going to be hard to make you parents understand. They are not going to want to understand. At the moment mom probably sees you as a Tomboy, you are not. You have to make them understand and that may include enlisting the help of your doctor or pediatrician if you still see one. You could also ask to talk with your school psychologist and ask for his or her help in talking with your parents.
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What you seem to be dealing with is how you see yourself, boy or girl. I can think of two main reasons of why you're feeling this way. 1) you are growing up, and espsecially around your age people may begin to wonder about their identity as a women or man, gay or straight, and really just who they are as a person. This is just growing and maturing, don't feel depressed! As you mature you'll learn more about yourself and others, to help you figure out these questions you currently have. It may sound like total bull, but you have years ahead of you to experience life and who you are as an individual just making their way through the world like billions of other people. 2) quite possibly, you may be lesbian or wish to be transgender. If you don't know what that means, being a lesbian (or gay) is falling in love with the same gender. Transgender means you feel as if you are a boy trapped in a girls body, or vis versa, and want surgery to turn you physically into a boy or girl. If this is the case you may have a long journey ahead of you, because many disagree with being gay or transgender, quite possibly even your own parents. BUT, this in NO WAY means you shouldn't discuss this with them. If you truly feel as if you're a boy trapped in a girls body, or maybe feel at all attracted to girls, tell them! Your parents are their for you and if you feel confused and deppressed about this, they will be the first to help. Please, if you would like to discuss more about this with me, simply write in my coloum and I'll reply back ASAP. All These things are completely natural. Remember, talk to your parents pronto about it, they should understand. Good luck and apologies for the ultra long response!
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