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As a woman, I can't talk to women.
I'm 18 years old and I just started school at an women's college. I'm starting to think it was a mistake.
I wanted to go to this school because I really want to make close girl friends. I can't seem to do it. I just don't know how to talk to girls. I feel like I never know what to say, or how to respond to things they say that can continue the conversation. Maybe it's because I'm too used to being around my close group of male friends, but how can it really be that different?
I don't know what could make me so... awkward around women. I know it's not nervousness because of romantic or sexual feelings- I am in a relationship and not interested in dating or sex.
I have social anxiety as well, which I had been doing well with until I transitioned to college; I know that that isn't helping. But often having at least one close friend to be with helps me A LOT in feeling comfortable overall.
I feel hopeless. Even when I reach out and make that first step towards friendship, I can never seem to make any progress. I don't understand how common ground can be so difficult to find. There are never any "connections" made. I guess what I'm looking for is some advice on how to make those connections that lead to friendship.
And if you want to/are able to psychoanalyze me using what I've said here, can you tell me why I don't have these problems with men?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hi. First off, let me give you my background. I am a 59 year old grandfather and have lived through many experiences.
Now, to your question--------"how to make those connections that lead to friendship."
The first and formost thing to consider is "What do I like to do?" I say this because if you have no commonality with the people you attempt to befriend, there will can never be a "connection".
College is a bit different from high school. People in college are a bit more focussed on their ultimate goals and begin the maturation process to become what they envision for themselves. I changed my major 5 times in college, so definitely, I had to seek out who I wanted to become.
In picking your friends, or better said, our BFF's, we have to confront what would be our focus in life and gravitate to those that share the same beliefs and goals. Many of us have tried to carry forward the friends we have made in our youth with little success. I personally have only two friends with whom I still associate from those days.
Now, for my "grandfatherly" advice.
Figure out what it is you like to do. This can be in a social or academic setting. Never try to marry the two (social and academic) together. You can make very good friends in each area, though it will require you to "act" differently in either setting. Never be too obtusive in your relationships------ meaning "don't press it".
Find people that share your same interests. This may be accomplished by joining a sorority or participating in advertised meetings of groups perhaps found in the student center or on bulletin boards.
Ask your student advisor for leads that might place you in an environment where you feel comfortable.
Seek out "clubs". And by this I don't mean bars or saloons, but rather organizations where people that share the same interests comingle.
Let life happen. By this I intend to express the idea that we should not put too much pressure on others to spend their time with us, so just make yourself available to listen to others without being judgemental.
Smile a LOT! People gravitate to others that appear HAPPY. Who wants to be around a " sour puss" (no pun intended). Remember "when I laugh, the whole world laughs with me", but "when I cry, I cry alone".
BE YOURSELF! If you don't feel comfortable around certain situations or individuals, extricate yourself.
Good luck, and always strive to have a pleasant day.
One last thought from a "parent". You are not there to make friends, you are there to get an education that will allow you to make the kind of money to support yourself in the fashion you desire. Make one or two great friends in life. The others are just acquaintances.
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