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Boyfriend or not?
Hi, I am a 14 year old girl. I haven't really had any boyfriends and I'm not so crazy about them because in my opinion, all they do is stress me out and cause drama but I'm getting tired of my friends ALWAYS ditching me for their "crushes" and their boyfriends. I have my eyes on these two guys and one of them is soo sweet and really cute but the other..he's really popular but I'm not, so I don't see that happening between me and him anytime soon. Honestly, I like being an independent individual because I have more freedom and I don't have to worry about making my partner happy everyday or how I act and look. I mean..I'm the person EVERYONE ends up replacing anyways plus, I hate the way my friends treat me sometimes..they'll always laugh and make fun of me. I'm sick of their crap. Please help...boyfriend or new friends?
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You definitely need some new friends. There is absolutely no reason for you to have a boyfriend when you don't want to. Why make someone date someone just because that's just what everyone does?
There is nothing wrong with dating. If you don't feel like dating, then don't. You're still young and have a lot of time to date. Right now, you should just be looking for what you like in guys anyways. Like the qualities you should look for in a guy. Besides the usual, cute, sweet, funny, ect. Although those are awesome to have in a guy, it's also good to see other better qualities. Like how they treat their friends, how they treat their parents and siblings, and even how they treat strangers. How hard they work in school, things like that.
I'm pretty sure your friends are just dating for the fun of it, not because it's anything serious. I mean the people you date now, there is such a small chance you'll end up together with them in the long run.
So get new friends who actually act like friends. You don't need friends who make you feel like crap.
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I like how you think for yourself and are willing to be yourself no matter what the majority is doing. It shows that you have some personal strength of integrity and pretty good self esteem. When my 3 daughters went through high school, my advice to them was to watch the other girls for a while and all the drama of crushes, boyfriends and breaking up, and watch the grades those girls got. Cus not only won't they have time for their girlfriends, but not their studies either. Each one decided not to get involved with a guy other than just as a friend, a classmate friend. I tend to prefer men for friends over women because of the drama many women, even adults come with. You may do very well having some guys for friends. Although guys at your age are just discovering girls and with the added draw of the hormones of puberty, a great majority are not only immature, don't understand a female or care to learn, and interested only in sex.
Being I am in my 50s, I have some life experience. I have learned the hard way that it is not a good idea to change who you are either to fit in with the crowd or to be a better match for a guy for a relationship/for marriage. While I did not change to be part of the crowd during high school, I can tell you I married young at 20. The guy seemed nice at first, I knew next to nothing about relationships, etc. etc. and when he wasn't happy with some aspect of me, I would change who I was to please him. Big mistake. So...
I don't think I have to tell you, not to change yourself to fit in, it seems you already know this, just confirming that.
New girlfriends? Maybe. I know there are other girls just like you who want true friends, not girls trying to couple up for a 5 month relationship at the best. Because they are not as popular as the ones that guys are going after, and they dont want that drama, they learn how to fade into the background so well that even you may his not notice them at first. Thats the type of friends I had in high school. Tops, I had 6 close true friends from freshman through senior yrs. 2 in freshman yr, the other 4 only during the other 3 yrs. The other 2 moved. It not how many you have but the quality. I will say the same thing for guys. The non popular guys, the geeks and nerd types also fade into the background, you wont notice them unless looking for them. They'll be made up of the ones who either have low or no sex drive, or are interested in girls but really want to learn how to befriend her. they will have watched a dad or be taught by him to respect mom and women but they b could be very shy and go through most of school never dating. This is the best group to look through for a guy for a best-friend, not for dating. If some feelings do develop, theres a chance it will be kept in perspective, likely not go overboard to the exclusion of studies and other friends.
Friends are considerate of friend's feelings. If the girls you hang with are not, it's time for new friends. Don't overstress if you don't find them right away either, just keep your eyes open and be observant for the kids who are not popular or the even greater group trying to keep up with the populars, the wanna-be's, which is just as bad as the populars. Good luck dear.
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