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How should i tell him?


Question Posted Wednesday October 9 2013, 7:19 pm

okay im 13/f and now i am in a current relationship wiith this boy that have been asking me for a long time. So before then he would do a little flriting with girls. But now were together he was fliriting with my best friend. While, i was right in front of him. So i avoided him the whole week and he wondering why i am. But i want to tell him to stop but, i cant tell him in person cause we be around alot of people in school. So please help me.
Thanx


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lightoftruth answered Monday October 14 2013, 11:38 pm:
Ok it's wrong of him to flirt with your best friend. But it's also wrong of you to avoid and ignore him the whole week. That's not what people in real relationships do.

So don't ignore him. Communication is such an important thing in relationships. If you don't have that, the relationship just won't work.

You need to find a time where just the two of you can talk. If you're around a lot of people, tell him you need to talk to him privately and you guys can stand away from other people and talk.
Explain that you're sorry for ignoring him and that you handled it wrong but the reason was that you were upset that he was flirting with your friend and you don't think that's ok.

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Dragonflymagic answered Saturday October 12 2013, 3:20 pm:
Before we jump to conclusions, what actions are youinterpreting as him flirting with your best friend. Perhaps he is flirting or perhaps he is just being his friendly self.
If he acknowledges her presence in a group setting by smiling at her, and engaging her in conversation along with you, that is not necessarily flirting. It's more the intent behind it, and his body language and what he says and how he says it.

So maybe you need to have a good conversation with him away from school. Ask the parents if you can have a male friend come hang out at your house, same as your girlfriends and then you could have a talk with him. Then you could ask him how he feels about you. Don't try to have an important conversation like this by texting. Theres too much chance for him to be distracted and lose his train of thought and not get answers to you in a way that both of you are coming to a good understanding. If its not possible to get him to your house, then it must be done in a phone conversation, no texting!

Are you just a female friend to him but you are thinking you're his romantic girlfriend?
You need to discover if you're both on the same page. Good conversation is the only way dear. And then, what a guy says and what it means to him may not mean what you think it means when he gives an honest answer. Males and females think differently. So don't just accept an answer and then wonder what he meant, feed back to him in different words what he said. "Did you mean this when you said...." Thats the only way to know. At 13, people are just starting to learn how to relate to the opposite sex and boys are likely to not know that truly flirting with multiple females at the same time will make them feel jealous and upset. Until you explain it to him, he won't know any better. Yes, they are that dense and don't pick up the things you think they should automatically know. Never make any assumptions.
My personal guess is that if he was constantly asking you for weeks and never gave up, it's because he has a deep interest in you, not the other girls. You both need to talk out what is a reasonable compromise of what kind of attention or talk he can do with another girl where its not disrespectful to you or causing you distress.
If you find you are perhaps too oversensitive and jealous over little things, then you may need to work on your self image and self esteem. Females can flirt with my guy and it doesnt bother me cus I know his heart and how he thinks and feels about me and that he has no interest in other women other than how he can be of service to them, as he would to his mom or sis. How can he say something to brighten their day, build their self esteem, help them out with performing a task or running an errand. You will always come first to the right guy. If a guy isn't doing these things for you and only other women, only then do you have a problem.

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