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Suicidal way out
Hi, my name is jhon and im 21 years old, I live in CT and i've been planning to end my life, its a long story, i wish it didnt have to be this way. I came to the u.s in 2007 i was 16, i got in high school unfortunately i met some "friends" that used to smoke weed and skip school all day, decision i regret now, I didnt care about anything I did'nt even know how life really was. I dropped out school and started looking for jobs, then i met a girl that soon would become my girlfriend, long story short, i was irresponsible and immature and i ended up quitting or losing a few jobs that was back in 2010/2011 but ive been struggilng since i got here, now 2013 i had a really good job traveling it seemed promising i was happy because since this job seemed stable my now ex girlfriend and I planned on moving in together soon and i was giving my 100%, I used to install light pannels, led's etc. at that time my girlfriend and I was dating for almost 3 years, we broke up less than a month ago, when i lost my job.. since there wasnt high demand they could not have me in the company when there was no projects, i have debts too and no savings, anyway i told my girlfriend this and she broke up with me saying she was tired of my unstability, and that it was never going to change, ive been living with my mother and her boyfriend althought me and her boyfriend never liked each other and now it got to a point where he hates me and blames me for the problems he had with my mother, and she migh hate me too.
Now he kicked me off the house, even though i dont have a job, and i been looking for jobs but have had no luck yet, long story short everything came down hill for me all at the same time and my mother has no money to help me, i dont think my dad does either, and i dont have friends, at least here in the u.s. so basically I will end up living in the streets when this month is over, i will have no chances of finding a job then. I tried to enlist in the army too but i didnt have that much time to wait until the whole process was done, i only had a month worth of rent, right now i dont see to get out of this, i'd probably die from starvation or heavy winter who knows,but i dont wanna wait until that, ill just accelerate the process, i dont want to be a homeless either with no job living out what people decides to give you. I know all this is my fault. I just didnt want to end it like this, i wanted to do so much for my mother since i havent been a good son to her and i wanted to show my ex girlfriend hat i really wanted to succeed. My question is what should I do? I dont have any resource left and i think this is really the end for me.
Thank you all for your time and excuse the long paragraph and bad grammar.
P.S i suffer from depresion and this is not the first time ive had suicidal thoughts, ive had this more than 4 years ago. And now i might be decided, it whats is left to do anyway.
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I think that you should just find another way to release. Don't do it because there are people out there who DO care for you. I'm here and I'm sorry that I couldn't get to this sooner.
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