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Partner


Question Posted Sunday August 25 2013, 4:02 am

What if your partner says that he/she doesn't feel like having sex and he/she doesn't have that feeling for you?

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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


Dragonflymagic answered Sunday August 25 2013, 2:17 pm:
There's two possibilities depending on what your situation is. I don't have access to anything you've asked in the past so I am going blind here on answering you.
If the both of you are still in love, and partner loves you dearly but no feelings of desires come up sex wise, this after a history of years of great sexual relations, it can be due to extreme stress, but it could also be hormones, like menopause...whether at the age for menopause or not. Males also can have a lack of hormones. I know of two male friends who had this condition at an early age, 30s. If this is the case, go see a doctor to get tested. A simple prescription to take life long for hormones will remedy the situation quickly.
If it's not stress or hormones, it could be that the two people were not right for each other to begin with it as far as having sexual chemistry.
There is something in the beginning of a relationship that acts much like having chemistry with a person, its called NRE, New Relationship Energy. This is very strong, a heady, great feeling, like your head is in the clouds and your heart couldn't be fuller. But it is extreme and exaggerating what is really there. So on a scale of 1-10 compatibility is a 3, with NRE you'll be feeling a 12, off the charts. But it doesn't last forever, a few months. Some people are actually addicted to the feeling like a drug and once it wears off, leaves the relationship and goes on to the next for their next 'fix'. So they have a long string of serial dating. If what you feel after NRE disappears, doesn't feel as special, it still may be, the partners may just need to choose to put time aside, get creative and do something new and different to bring the spice back. For females after giving birth, her hormones can be thrown off, not so for all but it can take a while for her natural horniness to come back and sometimes, it may take a long time or she may need to see a doctor about it for the hormone reason again.
It kind of depends on how long you've been together. Hopefully the partner has not been pretending that all is well after the NRE subsided so that years have gone by, unfortunately many people do, cus they don't know what else to do. It's not fair to them or their partner to not be honest with oneself let alone the partner. Some hope its a phase and that they will go through it.
At this point, I must also point out something I never thought could affect a sex life so strongly but that would be ones astrological charts, if you believe in that kind of thing. My husband is into astrology. We are both very sexual and love each other deeply. Then all of a sudden both of us were not having the desire for sex and having difficulty with orgasms for both of us. So he went to check out that portion of our charts which are very similar and got the bad news that planets and things were lined up in a way that we would be affected this way for a whole year. And thats exactly how long it lasted. So we both continued to have sex even though we didnt have the desire or had difficulties. It was frustrating, I wanted to cry, but I can say that after pushing through that year, everything went b ack to normal. You may want to go check with a reputable astrologist to see what differences are in both of your charts. It may show a difficult period you're going through or may shows areas to work on, or may show that you never were the best match for each other. Thats the kind of thing we don't like to find out especially when our heart is engaged in the situation. But to ignore it and try to continue on, is just living a lie.
These are some things to think about. Its not a magic wand to quick fix and make the situation go the way you imagine in your mind it should. Without knowing more specifics of your situation, or knowing your personalities, etc...its hard to give a better help answer. So there's always the option to go to a counselor for couples depending on how long you've been together and if you want to stay together.

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