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will he change
hi so my bf and i were together 3 months and he was so protective to the point he wouldnt let me go to the bar with my friends or talk to my guy friends, he also got really mad when i told my closest friends about the problems we were having so i broke up with him but about two weeks later we got back together and he promised things would be different and i believed him... now its been about a month and the things aren't changing. He's still really jealous and he always gets really mad at me when he's drunk . a couple days ago he went through my phone... if a person goes through your phone that means to me there is no trust any more and he says it isnt that but what else could it be. thats a big thing for me so i told him i need time to think if i want to be with him or not. since then ive got tons of texts saying thats over and he gets one more chance and he will change. will he change of is this just a bad cycle?
Please, i need someones advice :(
Kaaitlyn
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Many people will admit that they need to change and maybe truly in their heart mean it when they promise to change BUT as you know even for yourself...any kind of change is hard for humans: change of job, change of school, change of place you live, change is just plain scary. Or if its not fear, some people may have addictions to certain behavior, smoking, drinking, even addictions to sex, and lastly a person's upbringing and emotional or mental background can make change hard.
The truth is, with jealous, controlling behavior, there is often some kind of mental disorder undiagnosed. they can function well enough in society but when it comes to relationships they mess up royally. This will not change.
People rarely change for the better in their life time. What little changes we make character wise is so little...big to us but not big enough to be noticed by others or have any good impact on relationship.
SO what I am saying is that what you see here is what you can expect for the rest of your life if you choose to commit to him.
Relationships need, trust, good communication and unconditional love and a whole lot more.
My advice is no matter how much your heart feels the pang of parting, its best to drop him and find someone better instead of settling for less.
Warning: sometimes this level of abusive controlling behavior escalates into verbal and finally physical abuse. Best to avoid such types.
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You need to understand the male psyche and how men think and how we are on a biological level. Men are protective of their women; just as any other male specie in the animal kingdom. You're a woman so you will never understand this nature in men. All men have it; some much, some less. But he's just trying to guard and protect his woman from other men, just as the lion guards the lioness from preying alpha-male lions. Same thing.
You can check out my blog for further posts: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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Hello Sweetie,
He may say he will change but it will take a lot longer then 2 weeks. He violated your privacy, He doesn't trust you and admitted it too you.
To tell someone they can't hangout with friends isn't just a sign of jealousy but he is controlling and bullying you. Nobody has a right to tell someone who they can and can't be friends with.
If someone went through my phone out of lack of trust....That would be the end of it. Invasion of privacy is not acceptable. He needs to work on himself before he can work on a relationship. Maybe see if one of your guy friends are available ...
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