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Is there a problem in my relationship or are my expectations too high?
Hi guys.
So, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. We've been living together for a little over a year and everything it's great. Our relationship is so easy. The problem is, my boyfriend is a genius. He has such an intense brain that it is very easy for him to get caught up in it. He gets anxious, restless, and distant very easily. It's never been threatening to our relationship, but it's the only time I ever can't see where he's coming from since I am calm and content and he is always looking for a new project to invest his time in. Anyways, lately it's been exceptionally bad. We barely talk. All he can talk about is his newest project. I'd rather he focus his time on gadgets and inventions than other females, but it's hard to not feel neglected. I've done what I can. I've surprised him with gifts, dinner, cards and everything he likes. He's always grateful, but his attention is usually quickly focused elsewhere. I don't want to ask him to pay more attention to me, because then he'll get stressed out and worry that he won't be able to balance his goals with his relationship and I don't want him to have to sacrifice anything.
On top of that, I'm getting impatient. In January, he and I talked seriously about marriage. I wanted it. He wanted it. We picked a date, a venue, a caterer, and started working out the details. There was no official proposal, but there were hints that one was coming soon. That was 6 months ago, and since then there has been very little mention of marriage. In fact, we haven't talked about it at all. No fight or incident occurred that would make either of us change our mind. Anyways, the date that we had picked out is in 8 months, and I'm starting to realize he has no intention of getting married at that time anymore. I'm ready and don't want to wait any longer, but I think he does. How do I handle our being on different pages?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Flirt with another guy and it's that simple; he'll get in line. A guy will rarely ever change unless the girl does something on the verge of cheating which will spur him to action to get his act together. Whining and complaining won't help you. Do something to get him jealous or thinking. Start texting more, talking more on phone, etc.
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Your boyfriend sounds a lot like my brother in-law. We referrer to my brother in-law as the absent minded professor. The name truly fits him and he accepts it from both family and the people he works with.
Given the relationship with my brother in-law and how he is. I would say I really don't think there is a problem so to speak or that your expatiations are to high. What I believe is your boyfriend needs to learn to balance his personal interests and goals. Part of the problem may be that he is somewhat AD/HD impaired something that he should be tested for. If diagnosed as having some form of AD/HD you and he can decide if he should take medication or if you can with help of a therapist work with this.
If he is not suffering from AD/HD then you need to help him to balance his time. Time management is so important these days that for my part I think it should be a required part of any course taken in college. Those that can manage their time which includes balancing work, play and family time are the ones who will succeed in todays world.
I believe you need to remind him to focus on other aspects of his life. You could say something to him such as: "Steve 6 months ago we started to plan a wedding, are we engaged? Have you proposed to me? What do I tell the caterer? Should he hold the date we gave him?
It may be that he is just so one tracked that after something is done in his mind all that is left is for someone to tell him where to be and when. The details left for a wedding may not be as important to him as they are to you.
If you tell you want him to buy you a ring, he may just go out and buy you a ring. IF you tell him to go get fitted for a Tux he'll go do that. Tell him to be at the church, well for that you might have the best man make sure he is there on time.
My advice is to first get him to his doctor for a complete physical and screening for AD/HD. If all is negative then as I said above you are going to have to teach him how to put balance in his life just as my sister in-law has been doing with my brother in-law.
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