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Troubled friendships
This will be pretty long, I apologize
I am a 28 year old introvert who suffers from depression and anxiety. I am currently on medications and am seeing a counselor.
I still notice I seem to have trouble holding interest in friendships or even engaging in conversations with certain people. I am close with only certain fols in my own family and rarely socialize during family gatherings. I do not have friends but rather acquaintances who on days I enjoy talking to and on others I dred the thought of running into them. Why? I am always telling people who are interested in developing a friendship that I am not the type of person who likes to frequently hang out as I begin to feel overwhelmed and withdraw myself. I also notice I at times randomly pick an excuse to not like the person... Why?! I feel horrible but an aspect of me enjoys being alone because that's what I am used too. Ugh please help me
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Some people feel happier being alone or at least just having pets for companions. Being a hermit isn't something the majority does but there are people who prefer it so it is normal and nothing bad for them. It seems that you wish you were other than that by what you wrote. Maybe your subconscious mind is reasoning that it is easier to be an introvert if you Others are what you don't have people in your life to interact and talk with so you distance yourself or push them away. It would seem your conscious mind wants to have a few close friendships and actually desires it but your subconscious mind is fighting it. It may be something that a hypnotist can help you with, to reach your subconscious and discover what fears are holding you back.
You need to discover what is the fear or the reason your subconscious sabotages any potential relationship with another person...then you will know how to overcome it. I don't know if there are self help books on the subject. What does your counselor have to say. Does he/she suggest any things for you to try? You might try asking if they could suggest a hypnotist. Because it seems to be based on some kind of feelings or emotions and suggestions to your subconscious from a hypnotist could help greatly
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Oh. I've also had these problems in the past or I still do now, To me, It's not really a problem, It is just one of the way my personality is. I could say that I'm very similar to you, I've too suffered or maybe I'm still suffering from depression and anxiety due to some reasons. I prefer staying alone than socialize with anyone including my families, Or rather I refused to socialize with anyone, I don't find that bothersome, But it seems you're having troubles with this.
Are you perhaps scared of people getting close the you? Or getting close to others?
If so, That's really normal, When people are in a Friendship relationship with their friends they'll always have these thoughts
'What does she/he thinks of me?'
'How much does S/he likes me as a friend?'
'Am I special to her/him?'
'How does S/He thinks about my looks?'
'Does she think I'm good enough as a friend?'
When people start thinking too much these thoughts could become scary.
Sometimes people are scared to get close to others 'cause of problems that comes after it.
You've probably noticed that after becoming friends with someone there's always problems of 'Trust' and 'Trusting' your friends. When people start having these thoughts, They'll evenatually start getting scare of being/getting close to others.
If you wants to get close to others but you're afraid to, Don't. Sometimes you have to take risk and over come your fear.
Do you find it bothersome to be with your friends?
If so, Don't think it's 'Bothersome' think of it as something fun.
You mentioned that you're always pushing others away and always telling them you're not the type that likes to socialize.
Do you tell them that because you think they might think you dislike them 'cause of your behavior?
Is there any other cause that could be making yourself behave this way? If there is, Try discovering it, And solve the problem.
I think to fix this habit/problem of yours, You might want to talk to your friends openly and tell them everything about yourself, Tell them about this problem you've been having, Since you get overwhelmed being with them, Try to make yourself comfortable while being with them, Try getting them to trust you and try getting yourself to trust them as well. While being with your friend only think of their good aspects, Think 'It's nice to have a friend like her'. Do not make excuses to not like anyone, Talk to your friends what you're going through they'll understand, You want to socialize with your friends But you also want to be alone, Sometimes it's a good thing to be by yourself, If you're always with your friend you could get influent by their personalities and start behaving like that then that could become a problem to your friends. Make some times for yourself to be alone, And other times to be with your friends. This is YOUR problem, Only you could change the way you are, Good luck and try your best.
Hope I helped, Even a little.
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