|
Long distance relationship? Fizzling out
I am a 23 year old female. I have a question regarding a relationship.
First the relationship question. I go to school in Toronto but am currently in South Korea teaching English for the summer - just over 3 months. I met a guy back in Toronto and we dated for 2 months. He is the best guy I have ever dated. I am very new at relationships but we have a lot in common (like we are both originally from Vancouver, same interests, etc) and compatible personalities. When I was in Toronto, he treated me very well. He always texted me, asked me out, paid for me, and ebought me a gift for my birthday even though we’d only been dating for a little while. Before I left for Korea he told me that he wanted to keep dating me when I got back to Toronto (I still have one year of my Master’ s of Education left). The day after I left he texted me to ask if he could tell people that we were dating (i.e., we were officially dating). He kept in contact for the first 3 weeks I was in Korea– every few days he would text, or sometimes I would text him. I should also mention that I have never really had a real relationship before. I have dated a lot of guys and have not found one that is as compatible a match for me as him, ever.
However, he recently had surgery back in Toronto, and was recovering at home for awhile. The last time we texted, I was in a bit of emotional pain because I knew we had many months ahead of us before we could see each other.
Now he hasn’t texted me in almost a week, or called, or Facebook messaged, or anything. I do not know what is going on. My mind is imagining all the worst case scenarios – that he has met someone else, that he has lost interest, that he forgot about me. The last time we texted it was I who initiated the conversation. I don’t want to keep initiating, I just can’t do it. I want him to WANT to talk to me.
I am hurting a lot. I think that after one or two more days I will text him, but I am not sure. I don’t want to always be the one initiating, like I said. If I always initiate, I do not feel wanted by the guy. Also, on a larger scale, I don’t know if it is even worth keeping in contact with him for these three months. Like I mentioned, it hurts me to do so because I know we have so long (over two more months) before we see each other. But if I don’t keep in contact, and then I go back after a few months, the conversation will be awkward because we won’t know where to start after so long apart. Any advice would help!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
This is ridiculous.
Text him. Call him. Stop this game playing.
It's okay to be scarred. It's okay to be stressed. It's not okay to be silent. If you continue like this you will destroy any relationship you have with this guy - regardless of what might be going on with him - if you don't change your behaviour, you will have effectively dumped him.
For goodness sake he had surgery and you are whining about emotional pain and initiating texting? Can you see how self-centred that sounds?
So you start by talking. Ideally over the phone or Skype, not texting. Stop sabotaging yourself. Stop game playing. Stop trying to read his mind from across an ocean. Talk to him! Ask him how his day was and ask for the kind of relationship that you WANT to have.
EVERYONE wants to be wanted. Guys and girls. That's not a special thing about you - that's everyone. No one wants to want someone who doesn't want them! Everyone is scarred of rejection. So stand up for yourself and let him know that you want him to want you. Tell him you aren't rejecting him and you might find out he's not rejecting you either.
Yes. It's scary and stressful. Its still the best path to happiness. So do it anyways.
]
More Questions: |