|
humorist-workshop
Whats with all the psychological mind games in dating
This question has probably been asked before, but why do you think there is this need for men and women to play stupid power games with eachother?
There are a ton of books out there on dating advice meant for both men and women, and recently I read one of each just out of curiosity to expand my knowledge of what these dating "experts" are saying. Guess what? The advice in both of the books was exactly the SAME. Only flipped.
"Dont be the nice guy/girl because women/men get bored of the nice person and you wont be able to keep them"
"Dont bring her flowers/cook him dinner, because they will only see you as a pushover"
"Dont be the one to call first"
"Let them wonder where you are and what you are doing"
"Make them wait"
"play the game, be a CHALLENGE"
And these are supposedly the secrets to healthy relationships?
It is ridiculous how men and women are taught to play these games in order to gain control of the other person and the relationship. But this is really messed up. Why does this psychological mind trick theory supposedly work on people?
Ive always thought relationships are about love, openess, communication, undertanding, and kindness. You are with someone because you like who they are, and you want to be kind to them and them be kind to you. This is what love is about, not who is the one in control of the relationship.
The truth is that people are too different to be able to categorize them and generally say "men like bitches, women like jerks"
I know girls that will only date nice guys, guys that do everything for them, guys that are gentlemen and are not afraid that they will look imasculine if they give in to a girl.
I also know girls that will mostly date jerks. Or just girls that will date any type of guy as long as they are attracted to them.
I also know guys that will only date nice girls, girls willing to do things for them, and then I know guys that will date "b****es" because they like a woman who is in control.
I have never been interested in a guy, only to lose interest if he calls me the next day or seems to eager. I have never looked down on a man for doing a nice thing, on the contrary. And even though some girls would take advantage, I know plenty that wont. So why do men and women do this back and forth i care i dont care, im just trying to mess with you because I dont want to get hurt thing?
Isnt acting in this way going to eventually teach women that all men are jerks and men that all women are b****es? What do you think?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I agree with you...all you read is a bunch of BS.
I don't like the nice or naughty image they say you have to choose.
There is balance in life, yin/yang, good/bad. And there should be balance in a relationship with both parties putting in maximum effort to make it the 'Happily ever after" we dream of.
I'll start with naughty. In a healthy relationship, naughty is the wrong word to use. The right words to describe characteristics both would be wise to have is: creativeness, playfulness, roleplaying, fun teasing, flirting, doing something out of character for a good laugh for you both or to entice sexually. Thats the kind of thing that people are really looking for but just don't know it. My life examples, always wearing pantys in public except for a few occasions I'm out with my husband, wearing a dress seated at a restaurant table with friends. I take his hand and place it on my leg, If he doesnt go exploring, I then push his hand up under until he discovers I am not wearing anything. The look on your loves face then is precious! I go bralesss these days. We could be doing housework together and all of a sudden, I pull my top up flashing him quickly. He takes a break from cleaning to play with my breasts and we return to finishing our tasks. Its things like that will make us look forward eagerly to when we have time to make love. Oh and sometimes I start role playing in love making, "Come to me my Son. Mummy has need of your big strong cock." I swear the boy in him surfaces and all of a sudden he is more energetic. He will do his version also of flirting, teasing, walking around with only a top on and as soon as he catches me looking at him will waggle his cock at me with a sexy smile. Stuff like that and way more erotic are the Spice of a healthy relationship. It is not naughty...it is vital for a vibrant sex life.
On the nice side: Treat your partner the way you'd like to be treated. Love unconditionally. Don't raise your voice or yell. Do special things for each other...like one is up at the time, "Can I get you anything in the kitchen? Giving full attention to, having your mind in the present, really listening to. Find ways to support each others strengths so they feel free to blossom in whatever it is they do well.
After leaving a bad marriage, when I wanted to find a guy like that, it wasn't working in just running into someone like that, so we both tried internet dating and thats how we found each other. The stuff I wrote is criteria I put in profile that the guy I am looking for must meet, besides being my spiritual and sexual equal. Never settle for someone who weakens who you are, where you have to change who you are to meet their expectations. Well, many men wrote saying I was too critical and picky and would never find a guy. They just were too lazy to becoome a Real man. But the right one will not be offended by your strict requirements but be glad to come before you and show you that he is indeed the one for you.
Hope this gives you some encouragment. Those of us who 'have a clue' seem to be in the minority but we're out there.
]
More Questions: |