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Need an older/educated persons advice
So I will attempt to make this as short as possible. I am 21/female and have been in a relationsip for about 2 years and 3 months.
I specifically asked for an older persons take on my situation because I believe the limitations of my age and lack of experience in the dating scene/relationships to be my problem.
I am also looking for a level of profundity in the advice because it is an issue I have thought about for a long time.
Now I would like some sort of advice on what the best thing for me to do in order to try and repair my current situation. My number one problem is that my relationship is not at all where I want it to be but I am having problems letting go of it. This is because I love the man I am with, I respect him as a person and I like his qualities and personality. It is something I want in a partner and I have not been able to find in anyone else so far. Now the issue is in our compatibility. We are very opposite which initially made for a very passionate relationship, and that passion is still there today, except in a very different way. It is all mostly negative. We argue about everything and the hostility has taken over the love in my oppinion. I can no longer just ignore it and hope it goes away.
We fight and challenge each other daily on any little thing, and we both have problems addmiting defeat, so it is never ending. It has reached a point where we are hostile towards one another so even things that we may not mean to come out in a bad way are interpreted as such. And I know we both do it beacause I notice it. But neither of us wants to break up or let each other go. He has told me many times he wants to end up with me, but Im starting to doubt wether this is possible.
My question is wether or not this issue is fixable? Is it possible once youve reached the point of there being more negatives in your relationship than good to overcome it? I know that you need to try and add more good to the relationship to counteract the bad but I am not sure if we are at a point where that is no longer possible since we both expect bad from one another and so thats what we get? Lately most attempts at kindness and doing nice things even turn out bad, and even when there is a good moment it still doesnt feel as good as it should because we both know how bad things have been
Has anyone had any experience with this? Is this fixable at all? I am just wondering if investing any more time/effort in this is worth it. And just to give a little perspective we have been through a lot of both amazing and terrible experiences in the past two years so we have a strong connection even though we havent been together for that long. This is what makes letting go hard.
Thanks so much for taking the time to answer, some advice would be of great help.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
As to whether investing more time is worth the effort I believe you already doubt it is. From my life experience it is not worth it. I am not saying that doing so means you are discarding a person like discarding dirty clothes. You really need to think of yourself first...it is not a selfish thing to do. You have to be able to love yourself first before being able to love another. So this means considering what is a healthy lifestyle, foods, environment for example and yes relationship too.
The key to figuring it out is quite simple. Does the other person weaken you? Do you weaken him?
We should not be changing who we are to be more pleasing to a partner. In the long run, we become unhappy because we have lost ourselves and sometimes don't know how to get back, and the partner can lose respect for us because they know we are really a false persona and they truly want the real thing. We tend to stay with someone who is not right for us, because we are afraid we won't be able to find anyone better. After leaving ex husband of 30 years, I started dating and found with each guy someone better than the one before, because I was becoming better at spotting the traits in a man that would weaken me. Hanging out with this guy will rob you of the experience of learning how to see the traits you don't want. Back away from men like that and you likely will back accidently into the right man
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