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Do I love him?
I love my boyfriend a lot. I feel it in my heart, and I know it's true. But strangely I'm not in a constant state of love. I'm generally a cold person, and sometimes I feel nothing at all. I feel hollow like an empty shell. And when I feel like that I don't feel any love or anything at all for that matter. Do I love him? And should I reply with "I love you too" when he says he loves me and I don't feel love at that moment? I always know deep in my heart that my love for him is immense. I love him to death. I am so confused. Has anyone had such an experience? Is it normal? I don't know what to think and it irks me that I can't always love him. I want to.
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I know exactly how you feel. To be honest, I'm very cold and have anger management, so I generally hate and get mad at everything. I never got close to people, even my friends I've known for 9 years don't know how to describe me or anything. I've been in an amazing relationship for 13 months, we're young, but I believe I'm truly in love with him. At first, I didn't show it and didn't tell him anything about me, and even thought about breaking up with him two months into our relationship. But I decided to stick with it, because I said to myself if this is an on going feeling I'll do it, because it was only ever so often. And I swear, it was the best decision I ever made. He's my best friend, I tell him everything and I don't know where I'd be without him. Give him a chance, and the relationship. It's worth it.
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Love is not enough for a relationship, we put so much importance on love, which is strange when you consider how freely we give it out. We love so many, but we "like" so few people, you would think people would understand that like is so much more important. Now that is the question, do you like this boy, do you want to be with him, do you like being with him just for no reason at all? What do you think will keep you together for 50, 60, 70 years, the fact that you love each other, or that you like being with each other? Your having times where you feel nothing does not concern me, your 17, hormones do strange things during this time in your life. Don't concern yourself with the question "Do I love him". Ask yourself, "Do I like him enough to spend my life with him"? I have given over 35 years to my wife and I can't imagine not giving her the rest of my years, can you say the same? When you can say yes to that question with all sincerity, you will go so far beyond love, when you think back on the way you feel now and chuckle to yourself. There is a level beyond love, beyond like, but it takes both of them to get you there.
Response:
I never once said this did not describe you in your relationship, you do not give enough information for me to know. I only responded and imparted to you what I have learned in my 53 years of life. The fact was, it was the information you needed to hear, for that is the true question asked for in your letter, "How do you know when you are truly in love?" I never once said you weren't, I can not say either way, I only gave you the means to answer your question. Good luck in your life dear spirit. I will remember to look in on you 35 years from now to see you still remain with your true love.
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Love doesn't have to be an intense feeling someone has at all times. If you love someone then you're willing to be with them and care for them. I think that you are really over thinking things. I mean, as I read your question I can see that you care about this person. Just because you go through sometimes not feeling anything doesn't mean you suddenly stop loving him. I don't think this is out of the ordinary. Love is a long term feeling. It can still be felt even if it's not in your face. I would tell him that you love him. And relax. It's totally ok. :)
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