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My husband and I do not get along for several reasons
My husband and I do not get along anymore.
We fell into our relationship very fast and we weren't careful about it. I got pregnant after 5 months together and he was pretty resentful for a while. Our daughter is 5 now and he doesn't seem to carry that resentment anymore.
That resentment led to my resenting him for his behaviour. He would party and not let me know where he was for a good year or so after I got pregnant, but he grew out of that, thankfully. Still left a me bitter though, like he was trying to hurt me disappearing for hours without a word. I still can't tell what he was up to but he would come home intoxicated.. Eventually.
Now we're in a better place than that, but I feel like he is overpowering, and I'm not the type to take that ever. For example, if I give my opinion on a subject that would turn into an arguement if my opinion was different than his. It's like he always has to be right, even when it's not about being right or wrong - it's just a discussion.
We argue over the littlest things and it turns into something huge. We basically have no patience for each other anymore and were always on the defensive. I get so irritated with him it's hard to handle. He's insecure, overbearing, arguementative, but he's also considerate(mostly),a good father, and a loving husband.
The other thing is that I had an emotional affair with a coworker, and I don't think he will ever get over it. It started out as the two of us just talking because we were having the same problems with our significant others, and turned into us havin feeling for each other. It was actually nice to talk to someone who I tought cared what I thought and listened to me rather than talk over me or not talk to me at all (I swear video games are a ruination for good men - they loose themselves in games and forget they actually have people who depend I then being there).
Obviously my husband and I both have our issues, but we don't seem to be getting anywhere. Everyday seems to blend together in petty arguements and silence.
What can I do to make this better!!?? I do love him but my patience is at a breaking point and I don't know what to do!
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This is all up to you sweetheart, I understand its a tough thing to deciede, but what I think you need to dois ask your daughter if she would be happy if he was out of the picture. Then you need to make the decission. Think about you and your daughters thoughts and feelings. Also is he going through alot? If so that might be why he is like that. Just explain to him calmly how you feel.
I hope this helps, Godsangel. :)
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i seen that the last person wrote for your husband & you should go to counseling but i dont think so because people are who they are. they will not change. i know that from experience. your going to spend all that money for a person to talk to you guys which it might work for about a month & then it will be back to the same thing.
in my opinion, you guys should seriously talk about what you want to do with your lives. talk to him & tell him how you feel & if it doesnt change, YOU have to do something about it. do what's best for your daughter & you. in my opinion that's not a real husband.
maybe consider a divorce? but im definitely not telling you what to do, thats just what would be going through my head. & if you bring that up to him maybe it will open his eyes & realize what he has brought his life & family to.
and your prob thinking you dont want your daughter growing up without her dad, but no matter what he will always be her dad. it's his decision to want to see her & do something with her.
BUT if you do find someone else that treats your daughter & you happier than that guy would be more of a dad than your husband. a dad is a guy who is there for his daughter no matter what. therefore your husband doesnt seem like a dad he's just the biological dad.
see how it goes, talk to him. dont rush ANYTHING a divorce or getting a new guy. if you are looking for a new guy, give it a while until you move in with him or ANYTHING!!
& you can't be unhappy for the rest of your life & just deal with it. life is short. make it the best. live each day as if it were your last. have fun! but think think & think some more before you act!:)
i hope i helped. i wasnt telling you what to do, just what i would do or though!:)
if you have any questions or comments message me:)
melissa!
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Your marriage sounds like a good case for marriage counselling. I will warn you that there are people that believe marriage counselling is the last stop on the road to divorce court. I am not one of those people.
You got pregnant and your husband did the right thing by you and married you. That says a lot about him since many men would have said it's your problem. Your marriage is the exception and not the rule given how long you two have stayed together. Most marriages which started as yours have end within 3 years.
Your husband may have been and acted a little immature at first though as you stated he has matured into a loving husband and a good father. These are all good points. Points that to me say this marriage is worth saving.
Yes, you have both made mistakes. Mistakes that can be forgiven. An emotional affair is not the same as cheating at least to my way of thinking. When my wife and I married 41 years ago she told me; "I can look at the menu, I can even lust at the menu, but if I ever sample the menu she will cut something off I find very important."
President Jimmy Carter speaking about I believe it was Playboy magazine said; "I lust in my heart." So their is a difference between an emotional affair and actual cheating. I believe this can be forgiven if he will let himself forgive.
You need to let go of his immature ways at the beginning of you marriage. From what you have written he has changed. You have to allow yourself to forgive.
A good marriage counsellor can help you with this. A marriage counsellor is just a therapist who provides couples counselling. If for some reason you and your husband are not comfortable with the first one, find another one. For therapy to work you, in this case, both of you need to be comfortable with the counselor.
I believe your marriage can be saved. I believe you just need a disinterested third party to help you disentangle yourselves from some excess baggage from the start of your marriage.
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