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Will I get him back?
F/17 Me and my boyfriend of 4 months have been none stop arguing for a month or so, he takes me for granted, he never understands me when I try to explain how he's making me feel, I don't feel appreciated as I once did at the start of the relationship. I've said some really nasty things out of anger and hurt, he's not fighting for us, but I know deep down he does care, I think that it may be because as we always argue, it's pushing him away, I'm moaning at him because the lack of communication/effort he's bringing into the relationship, it's pushing him away. Anyway, after saying so many nasty things, I told him to move on and that he clearly doesn't appreciate and want me anymore. If I try the no-contact rule, cut all communication, is there a chance he will come back? Will he realise the lack of communication and effort that he's not put in, will he realise that he does want to be with me? He seems so cold at the moment, but the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true, right? How would I go about to getting him back to how he used to be with me, also to making him my boyfriend again. Thank you for your time x
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Hi there,
This is done, it is all over. I am sorry to be so blunt, but you have to understand: Once you drive someone away like that, they don't fight to get back into the relationship that was making them miserable in the first place.
Well, sometimes they do, but only if they are desperate and lonely... then they will stay until something better comes along. That isn't something you want, right?
I answered your other question:
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... you should go and read that answer so I don't have to repeat myself here.
The first time you ragged on him for not texting you (guys hate texting) it may not have killed the relationship... but after he told you he was sick of the complaining over trivia ("he didn't text me first!") and you continued to badger him about this... he was looking for a way out of this relationship.
You decided to break it off, which made it easy for him to walk away. He probably didn't want to hurt your feelings by dumping you.
You decided to dump him... so this is over.
No lack of communication is going to fix this. No amount of time.
You want something from a relationship that THIS guy, simply isn't willing to give.
He may be the biggest ass in the world, but all we have to go on is what you typed in your questions... and simply from what you said about yourself and him... well, I can only say that if the person I am in a relationship with did this to me, I wouldn't wait for her to dump me.
Extremely needy/clingy people that want you to do things you hate doing (texting is a good example) are not fun to be around even if you aren't in a relationship. If you are, well that is pretty intolerable, as a rule.
You say this is because of a lack of communication/effort on his part? Well from your other question, you told us that HE told you that the constant "moaning" was driving him away.
He did communicate his thoughts to you. Did you take it seriously? Did you keep up the "moaning" over him not texting you first? If you did, then have a look in the mirror at where the communication problem lies.
I don't say that to make you feel bad... I would just like to suggest that relationship counseling is a good idea when you get into a spot like this.
You think it is awful that he won't text you first... I understand that. Can you understand that you were forcing him to do something he hates? Do you get that you complained constantly if he didn't do exactly what you wanted, exactly the way you wanted it done?
Does that make you a bad person? Nope. Just makes you BOTH people who would learn from study on interpersonal communications. Some relationship counseling would really have helped here.
"...I don't feel appreciated as I once did at the start of the relationship."
Do you thing he felt appreciated? Probably not. Relationships are about sharing with another person. They are your partner, not your slave, your servant or your one person "make ME feel special all the time or I will dump you!" team.
If I asked him what you did to make him feel special, what do you think he would say?
Trust me, "She texts me first and that makes me feel SOOOOOOOO special!!!111!" is absolutely NOT going to be what he says. ;-)
So, ask yourself the question: Did you do the things he wanted, that you know because he specifically told you, to make him feel special?
Equality is a beautiful thing.
I wish you nothing but the best in your next relationship. Please learn from this one, so you don't have to repeat this with another guy.
If you hit the rocks in your next relationship, then head immediately to relationship counseling. If he won't go, then you go by yourself. Improving yourself and your communication skills will only make him want to be a better person when he sees you making that effort.
No matter what you do... don't spend any more time on this relationship.
P.S. Please do read the other answer I left you.
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