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when to try in a relationship/give up
So me and my boyfriend have been going out for 3 years. We've had our off and on moments and a lot of it had to do with drug abuse on his side. I really care about him a lot and would leave when he began doing that but would come back when he had been clean for a while and began talking to me again. He finally seeked help and has been doing good for about 4 months. He got into what he wants to do for his profession and I think its helping him stay clean cause he doesnt feel like a loser. We've been long distance for about 2 years now and live about 5 hours away. We are both 22.
Well he came to visit me this week and it was really good for most of it. I felt bad cause I had to work some nights and since we were gonna ride back home together (we are long distance cause im in college) he didn't have a car. Without a car he was stuck at home. But what he wants to do for a career is on the computer anyways and he said he didn't mind and was just glad to see me. The last day is when we started the horrible argument. Something changed with the stocks (what he wants to do) and he was really antsy to get home and kept asking to leave the day early. I realize now that I should have just said okay, but when he first brought it up...it didn't seem like it really mattered. So I reminded him that we made plans with a friend up there for that night. We ended up fighting the ENTIRE day about it. We would argue, one of us would leave the room and then he would come back and hug me and say he loves me. It was like a cycle. But we ended up really getting angry angry and at one point I said wow we must really hate each other or something. I was in no mood to drive that long in the condition i was in.
Anyways, he ended up breaking up with me and said things like long distance is too hard, there's more bad than good, we have too much baggage, and we are bad for each other. I could not stop crying, and I'm extremely embarrassed to say but it seemed like I kept talking him into staying with me. This went on for like an hour. He said after that that he wanted to give it another try. We slept together that night and this morning. He just kept telling me not to think about it and that he loved me. I tried talking to him about it and saying if he didn't want to stay he shouldn't feel like he has to. But he kept saying he wanted to stay and I just take too much reassurance. Then he texted me tonight saying he loved me but stopped responding when I mentioned how sorry I was.
I just really care about him and my prides a little hurt. I wanted another opinion because I don't want to be bad for him at all. But I also don't want to break up and get back together again. It's too much heartache. So my question is really just your opinions on all of this. Thank you so much for any kind of input :/ I hate feeling this way.
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First off I am a guy and I tell you this braking up off and on is not the way to go , people fight that's normal but to fight all the time means something is wrong really wrong . It sounds to me like you have put up with a lot right ? I mean no one is perfect and it takes 2 to tango but I myself was with a girl that I was once engaged to for 3 years and I put up with a lot because I loved her but every time I tried to communicate with her about us and what's happening she would change the subject . If you to cant communicate and discuss whats happening how do you expect to fix this ? Ignoring the problem will not stop the fighting . I know u love him and he loves you but someone is going to end up braking this relationship up in the end . You guys need to come to a understanding sit down and talk to each other calm not fight but talk ask him how he feels and why he gets angry and let him do the same for you . You should never brake up unless that's the end and its over . Long distance is hard but can be done and shouldn't be used as a excuse to brake up not if you love them . You sound like a good girlfriend to me and a understanding one and you really want this to work . You too just need to talk and understand whats going on and how to fix it , communication is everything in a relationship and being together for 3 years should make it a hell of a lot easier to discuss anything going on between you 2 .
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I am in a similar situation with you.
My boyfriend and I were together for three years, long distance and three weeks ago he ended it with me and I totally know exactly how you feel.
I'm not a "make up break up" girl kind either and it's just so difficult because you want to stand your ground and be strong, but you want them back so bad also.
It seems like you do both WANT to be together and when you are you try to force things to work because you don't have a lot of time for eachother. So instead of talking about all the problems and issues you have with eachother, you just make out you are ok because you have little time together.
Spend some time alone. It hurts to be alone, but you need to establish some things for yourself. It's so raw at the moment and you need to be alone to figure out what you want. Ie do you want him back... or are you just lonely.
Time apart is nothing to be embarrassed or scared about. You love each other, you trust eachother - noone is going to go off for another person.. it's just taking the time to calm down and figure out what you really want to say.
Both of you need to wait, your both on emotional highs. Once you have gotten to the point where you stop crying (!) you will be able to just sit down, no bullshit. Lay out the problems you have, let him lay out his (dont jump in, don't justify, let him say what his issues are), and talk about how you could resolve them.
There is no need to jump back together.
He'll be waiting for you.
It's not weak to get back together, it's encouraging and strong that you guys might be willing to fight and make something work, but there are only so many times you can be hurt.
He has made his bed and now he needs to lie in it.
Sleeping together etc etc yes I've done it too, it happens, you still love eachother.
As much as I want to text my boyfriend 24/7, I kno w he needs some space. I am not trying to convince him to be with me, he has his reasons and I will NEVER sugarcoat it all, I've done it before and you end up breaking up again.
Honestly, time. Just have some time for yourself, have a strong support system and drop him a call in a months time and see if he wants to meet up. Everything your feeling he is too, don't think for a second he doesn't love you or doesn't want to be with you. Of course he does, he is just trying to find is way like the rest of us.
Take care and message me for anything.
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Your in a really complicated situation. I know it's hard when relationships are on and off because of ecisions on one side or on both.
But think what's making you stay is that you love him.Or it could be that you just don't want to live without him.And either one of those is understandable.
I'm going through the same thing you are and I'm only 15.But whenever he leaves,I feel like a piece of me and my happiness is gone.
I know right now that it's hard, but you have to make the right decision for YOU.If you feel that it's best to leave,then leave.But my grandad always says "That if you feel something is worth working it out,then by all means do so."
You should really try sitting down with him,and just the two of you talking your whole relationship through.
(Also music helps. This song reminds me of my relationship,and you might relate to it also. Just hold me by Maria Mena.)
Hope it helps.
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