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humorist-workshop
i really liked you answers , wondered if you could help me out
I am a 17 year old virgin girl asking for guys advice, In general I don’t like dealing with a lot of emotions which is why I am currently in a very causal relationship type thing with this guy. I enjoy it, he enjoys it and neither of us has to fuss with commitment or dating. I never really believed that virginity was something special and just something you have to go through to enjoy sex, I want to lose my virginity and the guy I am currently fooling around with(who is a bit of a man whore) seems more than willing. my problem is I know it is not going to be good, that it could hurt, and I am mostly afraid that somewhere in the middle of it some deep seeded crazy female hormones will kick in and make me go crazy and become a class “A” psycho clinging bitch. I am really not worried about pain or blood I really feel bad for the guy, and want to know what I could do to make this better for the guy if at all possible. From the way I look at it the guy is really not getting anything out of this besides bad sex, stained sheets, and a crazy bitch.
Point = what can I do to make the first time I have sex better for the guy?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
Hi there. The two things that worry a lot of girls (ie it might hurt and I might bleed a bit)you seem to be relaxed about. So you clearly understand your body, which is great. Yes, sexual arousal is driven by hormones. But no, it's never a runaway event. You'll remain mentally in control however excited you get. You won't turn into an out-of-control sex fiend who goes crazy during sex, so don't worry. All you really lose is your discrmination, and this could easily lead to a girl HAVING sex with an unsuitable partner. Try to avoid the 'it's not going to be good' vibe. Like so many things, thinking makes it so. As far as what the guy gets out of it, well quite a number of men are really keen on the idea of being a girls 'first lover' although it's never been an issue either way with me. Some girls see losing their virginity as a big issue, some don't. You've told me your opinion, which is perfectly valid. Try to think 'make it better for US' rather than 'him'. It's your party too you know! Sex being painful or it being difficult for him to penetrate you nicely is nearly always cause by involuntary tensing of your muscles which comes about through anxiety, tension and stress. So try to relax, mentally and physically. You want to be thinking 'this is going to feel great'...lose that negative vibe like we said. Of course, make sure he spends lots of time getting you ready, emotionally and physically. You want to be nice and wet naturally. And I'm sure you'll have noticed the physical changes in how you feel 'down there' when you get aroused. Don't let him rush you in any way. Please don't take this as any sort of criticism, but do make sure you use a condom. Besides pregnancy, you do say your guy is a bit free with his affections, shall we say. So there may be a risk sexually transmitted infection. OK, it's the real world. Most of us don't have a full and sworn statement of their partners sexual history when we start a relationship. And a lot of us do have fairly (even very!) casual sex from time to time. Condoms are the only effective protection against sti's. Promise you'll use one. Properly. On before any sort of penetration, and it stays on until it's all over. As for the 'clinging' bit...well it's not a 'psycho' situation but do be aware that there are 'bonding' hormones. However much you're determined it's a no-strings, fun only relationship the act of sex can easily bring-out some relationship-forming, father-of-my-children feelings. This causes so much upset in my experience, when each have different expectations. Again, it won't screw you up though. You're a rational, thinking indivdual. The feelings are not written in stone. The hormone is called oxytocin by the way, it's very real and it does make us focus on one person somewhat and want to form an exclusive relationship. I can't think of much else. Thanks for asking. Relax and enjoy the experience. Hope it goes well for you. If it's a bit less than a polished performance, well the only thing 'bad sex' really hurts is our ego, nothing more. Sometimes it'll feel great, sometimes not, sometimes just 'ok'. Be like that all your adult life to be honest. Merry x-mas and a great new year to ya!
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