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Am i being strung along?
Okay, so there is this boy I love. We have been dating for 2 months and a half...the problem is that he hasn't mentioned anything about making me his girlfriend. I am confused because he tells me that he likes me, but i guess actions speak louder than words..cos i barely hear from him, I only see him once a week for an hour or two and I know he has more free time than that cos my friends will see him hanging around with his friends and just doing nothing. I would ask him to hangout but he says he can't cos he works late, but then i find out that he actually got out of work early. One time I saw him walking with some girl and he didn't know that I saw him, he would choose hanging out with other people over me. I feel used sometimes. He knows I will always be here waiting, so he will come along whenever he has nothing to do or needs my help in something like he'll want to see me cos he needs help writing his Spanish paper cos i'm fluent in Spanish. One time I found out he was going to a concert and he didn't even bother to invite me. if you like someone wouldn't you want to spend time with them? If i was going to a concert i'd ask him if he wanted to come with me. I mean it was only ten dollar tickets! I can pay for that. I asked him last Monday "will i see you at all this week?" and he says "of course it's only Monday don't worry!" It is Sunday now and I haven't seen him at all. I am knitting him a scarf and it makes me sad because he is always on my mind and i try to do sweet things for him but he does nothing for me...sometimes i doubt what i feel, maybe i am overreacting, but deep down inside i know i am not. All the guys i've been with have never been like this towards me. if i couldn't see them that much then at least we'd have good constant communication, but with this boy we don't even have that either. I feel like he wants space, and I am really respectful about that..but i think its too much space..he makes me so sad. I went to our friends party last night hoping he would be there but again i was disappointed. He wasn't there and I ended up getting drunk and crying...he is so confusing when i spend those little moments with him it is heaven to be able to kiss him and hold his hand..like he would disappear for a week and then we'll bump into each other and all that pain i had towards him would go away, there would be life in my eyes and it'd be as if i was a dog wagging my tail, but then he is gone and the sadness comes back again. It's scary he can disappear anytime and I will be stuck questioning what happened? I don't feel secure with him..I'd feel a lot safer if we were boyfriend and girlfriend..I don't even know what we are. what are your thoughts on this?
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Hey there,
Honestly, I feel like you cannot complain about him not spending his free time with you when you're not officially dating yet. The only problem here is that you want him to give you all his boyfriend qualities without him actually being your boyfriend - see the dilemma? So.. how you are going to fix this is: by talking to him. Yes, talking to him will fix all this. The next time you get to hang out you have to tell him how you feel. Mention that you like him, that you'd like to keep in contact more cuz you enjoy his company and you can say that you seen him with another girl, but don't make a scene about her, for guys can have lots of friends that are girls... just mention it casually and say 'I would like it if I could spend more time with you' or take initiative by saying: 'are you free this weekend? Cuz I thought about going to the mall, eating at ____ , watching a movie or spending more time with you'. Or perhaps 'hey your scarfs almost done, I was wondering if you'd like to come by and get it' would be a good way to start a convo. How he reacts will tell you how he's feeling about you. If he says he's busy, say 'ok, maybe another time we could get together' and leave it at that. Then wait til the weekend and ask him once more (more than 2 in a week can come off clingy). If he says yes, you are good to go.
This guy does sound like he is using you a bit by only contacting you when he wants help... The fact sits that if he really wants to be with you and also truly likes you, he will soon take the time to ask you to hang out with him too. Perhaps he is quite busy (or has a lot on his mind) so don't be disappointed if he says no the first time or forgets (we are all human). Try again the next week and the following week. If he keeps dragging you along by not sticking to his word, you should probably move on Hun. When you are looking for a guy to date, you need a guy that will be there for you and actually make an effort once and a while to see/talk to you. Any guy is worth a try, but only the right guy is worth your time.
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