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humorist-workshop
i need advise about my love life and arranged marriages
i have loved a person a lot and we both decided to marry but our parents are not accepting, my parents fixed a match and they are forcing me to do that when is said this to my beloved person he said insted of hurting every one we will marry to our parents wish but even he dont like this ..we both want to lead life to gether but our parents are not listening to us and they are saying they will die if we wont listen to them.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Wow. First, let me say that I don't have much experience with this particular issue. But I imagine that balancing familial duty with your own need to be independent and love whomever you choose is very difficult. Nobody likes displeasing their parents, but you have to consider the alternative: can you really see yourself spending the rest of your life with someone you may or may not come to love?
Now, I don't believe that there is just one perfect person for everyone out there, and your parents may have indeed chosen a good match for you - someone who would be a very caring husband that clearly has your family's approval. Maybe you would come to love him too. But maybe you wouldn't, and would always regret following your parent's wishes.
I see a few options.
(1) Continue talking to your parents. Rest assured, they will not die if you don't listen to them. For them to tell you this is very emotionally manipulative, and I think you should say so. Tell them that you love them and want to respect them, but that they should be supportive of you and want only the best for you: your happiness. Try to be as open as possible - ask them what it is that they don't like about the man you want to marry and why they think their choice is a better match. Perhaps they just haven't come to know your person as well as you do, and they are afraid he won't be able to provide as good a life for you as they would like. But remind them that this is YOUR life, and your choice to make, and remind them how unhappy you would be if you forsook true love for an arranged marriage.
(2) If your parents don't budge, and you don't want to explicitly go against their wishes, you could be slightly sneakier in your approach. Do you know the match your parents chose for you? If you do, then I would suggest talking to him. Asking if he is really comfortable with an arranged marriage. Perhaps he is in a similar situation to yours, and wants to choose his own love for himself. If your parents here from him or his family that he doesn't want the marriage anymore, then this may solve your problem. However, I re-emphasize that I don't really know how arranged marriages work and I don't know if this approach would be seen as highly disrespectful in your culture.
(3) If all else fails, marry the person you want to marry, and do it for love. Start bringing your boyfriend around your parents more so that they can warm up to him. They will eventually come around. All (or at least most) parents want the best for their children, and they will eventually see that you are happy with your chosen person.
I hope this helps, I wish you the best of luck with this difficult situation! Feel free to message me if you need anything else.
~Pollux
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