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i can't understand his logic!
ok so im seeing (NOT bf/gf) this guy he is 19. and very much catholic.
When e first started going on dates he made it clear he wasnt interested in dating me, as he has a mental disorder ( really bad depression) and that he wasnt going to have sex with me because he was waiting till marriage. (although we have both already lost are virginity to other people). so its a few months down the track and he told me he likes me more than what he wants to. He came over to my aparment we started makeout and all of a sudden he was on top of me asking if it was okay to have sex with me. Not only did he not have a condom he had been telling me he didnt want that for ages. so i told him not to get caught up in the moment and think about it, be he persisted and we went ahead with it. ( don't worry im not getting pregnate i got the morning after pill). but im left thinking this guy tells me he likes me , sleeps with me but doesnt want to date me?? he is coming on camp with me soon to and he isnt seeing anyone else. maybe he just doesnt want to date me? suggestions, im falling for this guy :(.
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I don't understand his logic either. What I do understand is depression. You say he suffers from "bad depression." Does he suffer from manic depression or by its other name bipolar disorder.
Depression in general really messes with your deductive and cognitive reasoning. One of the things doctors advice people suffering with severe forms of depression is not to sign contracts without a member of their family or a lawyer reviewing the contract first and advising them. This is because of how their disorder can effect them. When they are on the high side of depression they are almost giddy. When they are on the low side they are almost inconsolable. He may be aware of this and is why he is holding back on you.
If your falling for this guy you need to find out more about his illness and how he is being treated, if he is being treated. This is another part of the problem with manic or bipolar disorder. When the person effected by this is on the high side of the disorder they feel fine and become non-compliant. Then when they flip to the low side, which will happen, they refuse to go to the doctor again.
I'm sure this guy is a really nice person or you would not be falling for him. Before you let yourself really fall all the way you need to find out more about him, his illness and how he is being treated for it and if he is remaining compliant with his medications and therapy. He may have to remain medicated for sometime or even for the rest of his life. These are all factors you need to learn about before you go much further with him.
Short answer to your question: I think he is aware of his illness and is hesitant to get involved with anyone, not just you. If you are falling for him you can be a big help to him in his recovery. I will caution you depending on what form of depression he suffers from you could be in for some rough times.
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The only thing you aren't getting, is that this guy is not mentally sound.
I don't mean that as an insult, but that is why his 'logic' doesn't make any sense to you. He's not being logical. At best, he's confused and figuring some big stuff out, at worse, he's doesn't have it together mentally.
He doesn't know what he really wants. What he says he wants is going to change from day to day. That can be a very risky situation for you to put your heart in.
So don't worry so much about what he might or might not want today, tomorrow, or in the next 20 minutes. It'll probably change, and he might genuinely not be able to tell you. Give some thought to what you want, and where your boundaries are, and then tell him.
If he backs off because you are a real person, with needs and desires and boundaries, and he can't handle that, cry it out and count yourself lucky.
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