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All the passion is gone.
So I met this guy last April and we started dating by May. Everything with him is perfect. I am always so comfortable around and we know absolutely everything about each other. We talk on the phone for at least 4 hours a day, since I'm at school. He's a few years older. But lately I feel like all the amazing passion and love from the beginning of our relationship is gone. I recently read over our old texts to each other and I got such a horrible feeling in my stomach because our relationship is so different now. I know I feel the same and it isn't really on my end. For example he used to tell me he loved me so many random times throughout the day and now I'm the only one who ever says it. I asked him about it once and he said thats how It has always been, that I am always the one who says it first. He didn't even try to change things since he knew it was bothering me. He never EVER says I'm beautiful. Which i would never expect or nag him about. The fact that he used to always say it kind of hurts though. I don't think the fact I am away at school changed feelings because when we met we did the long distance thing for the first few months. I have some problems with his family too. His older brother is getting married and whenever we are all at dinner they only talk to her like I'm not there. He says they ask about me all the time though. But whenever I email his mom to talk she just tells me how she is and doesn't take interest in me. I brought this topic of our relationship not having any spark up to him and he told me its because our relationship is different. He said don't worry about it. The fact that he wasn't concerned either makes me nervous. I love him so much and I know that phase of our relationship or any relationship doesn't last forever but its just changed TOO much compared to the other relationships I have been in.
I'm just confused as to what to think of his response to this topic.
Sorry this was long. And thanks SO much for any advice/opinions. I really appreciate it.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
OK. Science-geek answer! That 'loved-up' feeling at the start of a relationship is caused by our bodies producing high levels of the 'bonding hormone' called oxytocin. At normal levels we're romantically 'open to offers' as it were. The raised level gives us a kind of tunnel-vision causing us to focus strongly on one individual to the ecxception of others. While we continue to focus on them and bond with them the body keeps producing oxytocin, in a 'virtuous circle'. BUT only up to a point! The level returns to normal after somewhere between 18 months, up to a mximum of 3 years. It's done it's evolutionary 'job'. When it has returned to it's normal level, you don't necessarily stop 'loving' the other person, but you WILL start to notice OTHER people and other things again. Are you still awake? Honestly, there's no witchcraft or smoke & mirrors involved in relationship phases really!
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Hmmmmm. Dear "All the passion is gone".... We've all been there. That phase don't last forever but it shouldn't totally go away. If you've mentioned it to him and he's blowing you off then maybe he's telling you something without saying it. It's normal for men to pull away at certain stages of the relationship and you will never be able to CONVIENCE him to change the way he thinks about things. No one ever likes to be convienced that they are wrong. It's kind of like being sold something. We all like to buy new things but NO ONE likes to be sold anything. A relationship with no passion is a disaster, trust me. You will never get what you need from a dead relationship. Been there! Done that!... It Don't work!!.
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