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How can I get through to him?
F/22 Boyfriend is 21
My and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year now. Things were so perfect in the beginning! And even up to a couple months ago they were still perfect. He is an amazing guy, basically the dream guy. Would do sweet things for me, would always want me in his arms, would always kiss me and remind me how much he loves me. Would drop everything if I needed him.
Well, lately that's not been the case :( He's been really stressed lately about several things. I'm pretty sure the number one stresser is things that are happening with his family. I'm also stressed. About several things. But lately its been seeming like our stress is ruining our relationship. We fight, like every day. He's not the same person he used to be. I feel unwanted. I always have to ask him for a kiss, he never lays with me anymore, and when I absolutely need him he won't be there for me. I don't know what has gotten into him. And I know he's not cheating on me i'm 100% positive, he's not that kind of guy.
I'm still so in love with him. All I want to do is try to talk things out. But every time I try to say how I'm feeling he'll say "Why are you bringing this up." or "Why are you always trying to start a fight." "I don't want to talk about this." He doesn't get that I'm not trying to start a fight, I'm trying to fix our relationship! I know he still loves me, because he hasn't let me go and he tells me he will always love me no matter what. I'm being pushed aside, and basically being forced to hide my feelings and emotions cause he doesn't wanna talk about it and figure things out. How can I get him to realize that in order for our relationship to be better, we have to make changes and talk things out.
We're not ready to let this relationship go, but fighting every day is not acceptable.
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"To be understood, you must first seek to understand" Christian Carter. I read Christian Carter's e-book. It has a lot of bs but it also has some sound advise. Especially when it comes to communication and how we women try to get men to understand us by trying to "Convience them that we are right" he says it like buying a new car. We all would love to buy a new car but no one wants to be SOLD a new car. We are automatically turned off by the pressure that we feel from the other person when they are trying to conveince us to do something. So first seek to understand his point of view and offer yourself up to him. Ask yourself, "How can I make this situation easier for him?" Once a few of the stressors are off his plate and he no longer feels pressure from you, he'll be much more open to doing something playful with you which is the ultimate goal because that's where the connection starts back up for the man. They want light, fun, easy love. It's hard to be deep. Also be careful not to sophocate him right now. If he has a lot going on, he may not be able to be at your beckon call. Find other avenues of fulfillment, go out with your girlfriends, it's unfair to ask him to meet all your emotional needs. He sounds like a great guy and you seem to love him very much. Good luck love.
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Like you said, he's stressed. To guys, when a girl brings up something that the guy is doing wrong, it starts a fight in their head because it means they are inadequate. And being inadequate is unacceptable. He's not being a douche on purpose, he just has other things on his mind. You also need to come to terms with the fact that relationships change over time. There's the honeymoon phase: You guys are kissing and all lovey dovey and you're his number one girl. Well, that fades into the married phase: Even if you two aren't married, you're used to eachothers' company. He doesn't feel the need to constantly kiss you or tell you he loves you because he did it so much during the honeymoon phase, he feels you should know it by now. And you do! Just because he's not saying it, doesn't mean he doesn't care anymore. You said he's not cheating, so what are you worried about? He's not going anywhere. I know you're stressed, too. We all are. But you need to give him time. With everything that's going on in his life, a girlfriend that consistently and relentlessly wants to talk about how he's doing something wrong is just adding to the issue.
My advice to you? Don't worry about it. Give it time for things to tone down a little, he'll start to act like his old self once whatever is bothering him goes away. As for you, just keep reminding yourself that he does love you, he is an American citizen and he has the right to leave you if he doesn't want to be with you, and he hasn't. :) And from what you're saying, he won't. Every relationship goes through rough points, but you just have to push through it. If you love eachother, that's what you should do.
Take care, and breathe easy!
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