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Is he the one? Girls, would I be stupid to let him go?
First of all I'm 18 but I've always been into guys who were older than me and I've been told I'm very mature for my age by a lot of people.
I went on a dating site a month ago because I chose not to date in high school rather to focus on my grades,competitions and volunteer hours. I talked to quite a few men but none of them really interested me and a lot of them just sounded like they were out to sleep with somebody.
Then I met this guy who seems so perfect for me.
He's 28 but he looks younger than that as he stays physically fit and healthy. I've messaged him a lot and I also have his facebook with his family on it and I've talked to him on the phone for 5 hours so I know he's real.
We have so much in common that it's crazy and it's not like he just agrees with what I say to make me feel good, whatever topic we're talking about no matter who brings it up we share a similar opinion on. We get along so well and have similar goals. He doesn't do any drugs which is awesome since neither do I and he only drinks on occasions which I think is okay even though I don't drink.
He has a great job with fantastic pay and already paid off a house (which he sent me photos of) which is a huge plus but of course it's more about his personality. He likes traveling which I also like and he's willing to move close to me to be with me long term. He doesn't want some fling either he wants to settle down with a girl,marry her and live life with her.
He really likes me and I like him a lot too which is rare since a lot of guys turn me off pretty fast. He doesn't want sex or anything from me other than for me to just be me.
Do you think I would be stupid to let this one go? I'm just afraid because there's been so many fake guys but I can tell he's being really honest. I've seen so many photos of him and his life now and we talked for a long time today on the phone so I feel good about it but of course I'm still being really cautious.
Do you think this may be the one?
Like the one I shouldn't let get away that I would be a fool to pass up?
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I'm with Adviceman for the most part. I'm 24f. I've had both large and small age differences with guys I've dated, but I'll tell you that at this point in your life, you and he are in very different places. He's already established his life - he has a house, a career, and all he's missing is a partner to share it with.
You may be mature, but you're still 18. You're JUST starting out on your own. I didn't want to hear this when I was your age, but you still have a lot to figure out, and your own life and career to flesh out. By the looks of it, you're a strong, independent young woman with a great future ahead of you. I get the feeling being tied down and becoming a housewife for a successful man is not something that sounds appealing to you. (Please correct me if I'm wrong, and if I am, there's nothing wrong with that choice. Truly.)
Let me preface this paragraph by letting you know that I speak from experience here. I dated a significantly older guy who became physically abusive once I was under his roof. Now, I'm not saying all older guys are the same, or that this guy will be like this, or anything, but you asked, so these are just some things to keep in mind.
At 28, he should be looking for women his age, in the same or similar places in life - why is he attracted to an 18 year old girl (no offense meant)? Usually older men who are attracted to much younger women are either very emotionally immature, or are looking for someone to control. But of course, you won't know that unless you have one-on-one experience with him, or if you've experienced any red flags.
You're very intelligent to be cautious. I will say this, it sounds like you two may be compatible in your ideal lifestyles, but the bottom line is if it's meant to be that you two wind up together, you will. I don't see any harm in pursuing a meet-up (with friends, of course), but I wouldn't plan the wedding just yet.
By the by, if you're not sure what red flags of controllers and abusers are, inbox me... I've done a lot of research and had a lot of experience; I'd love to share it with you.
In short, go forth with open eyes, but an open heart, as well. :)
Siren
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If you have had more dating experience and now that you are 18 and above the age of consent. I would be the first one to say; your differences in age is just a number. By your own admission you do not have a lot of dating experience and this worries me as you lack the experience and knowledge that comes form dating.
While you may be mature for your age, you lack some real world experiences that are needed to round out your above average maturity.
Therefore my advice is CAUTION: I am not suggesting you push this man away or that you bring him any closer to you than you already have. While on paper you two sound like an ideal match you at least need to get to know each other on a one to one basis other than over the phone. You need to date him, go places and yes eventually have sex with him and even live with him before you decide to marry him.
At the moment I think you are rushing into something that you are very unfamiliar with and you could end up being hurt. While almost all of us have been hurt over our first true love I would not want you being hurt in this matter, not with the first person you actually are going to have some, hopefully, dating experience with. So I am advising caution. At 28 he should be much more worldly than you both in maturity and dating experience. Your lack of experience in dating is what bothers me and why I fear you could be hurt.
So my advice is to first meet him, date him for a time and then see if what you are thinking as he being the life partner you want is still their. For now though, and they will kick me out of the boys club for this one, look at him as a boy toy to have fun with.
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