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My best friend says he likes me, but still has a girlfriemd
Okay, so here's the background story: My best friend (We'll call him John) and I spent basically all summer together and went on a week-long mission trip together where we got even closer. I liked him all through the summer and mission trip, but I put it aside because John has a girlfriend. Because he's my best friend, I was having drama with another guy a couple weeks after the trip and was venting to him about it. When I said I was done with the other guy, John started hinting that he liked me.
So finally I find out from him that he had liked me too over the summer and it strengthed even more over mission trip. But here's the problem: I'm away at my first year of college, and he is still a senior in high school with a girlfriend. When I asked him about her, he said "Yeah, we're still dating, but I don't know for how much longer." John keeps telling me all these things that are wrong with his current relationship (they have broken up 3 different times over the past few years) but still hasn't done anything about it. We talk every day and are still best friends, but I can't keep doing this knowing that he hsa a girlfriend. It is torture to me, knowing that I can't have him. What should I do?
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It seems like both of you are comfortable with sharing your feelings with each other, so even though it seems wrong, I think you should tell him that you want to be with him, but are holding back because you respect the fact that he has a girlfriend. But you also said that he himself is not sure that they will be together for much longer, so you should also ask him if he still has feelings for her, and if he does he should fight for it. At least that way you'll know whether you can move on or not.
I hope I've told you something you didn't already know :) good luck!
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Sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too... In the nicest way possible. To me, it seems like he's comfortable in his current relationship but is still curious about what else is out there like you for example. Its up to you to determine how you want to deal with him.
-could you two ever have a chance together? Especially with you being in college, meeting new people etc and he being a year behind.
-how much does it hurt you to be like this with him. Does it hurt enough to cut ties? I went through something similar to this and in the long run we had to cut ties completely because it was too hard emotionally and it was unfair for the both of us. We agreed that we just needed space and that maybe in time we could eventually be friends again (sounds awful but it was becoming to much to handle without crossing boundaries). As much as you want to be friends and be there for each other, sometimes being there is what hurts the most.
Ultimately be honest with him and yourself. If it hurts you too much, then don't put yourself through it. Your starting a new chapter with your life and you'll meet so many people! Holding out on a guy who is with someone else won't do you any good. Try talking to him about it, if he can keep his relationship problems and flirting seperate then that's a great way to stay friends until the time is right if you two are meant to be together. If not, then think about separating or distancing yourself a bit. It's hard for sure, but if he can't respect your feelings then what good is it to stick around?
xoxo take care! stay strong & good luck! :)
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