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Boyfriend Left for College
19/f
So yesterday, my boyfriend of a year and a half went to a college that is an hour and a half away. He is a freshman and i am a sophomore that is commuting to a community college. The problem is, the college he is at always has horrible traffic that would make visits really difficult. Both of us have been preparing for this for a while now, and we know that we are going to do whatever it takes to make it work because we love each other more than anything. It's just, yesterday made me really nervous because i barely heard from him at all. And when he finally called me, he was all frustrated because he couldn't find a private corner to talk to me in. I had to rush through the details of my day and so did he, and it left me with a really uneasy feeling. I know it was his first day and he had a lot going on, and things will probably straighten out in a week or two... But for the time being i am absolutely miserable. I am going to try and stay busy this week until school starts, and we even have visits planned soon. I guess I just need advice on how I can start coping with these difficult changes. I am so sick of websites telling me to deal with the fact that it might not work, i know in my heart that it will. I just need a little guidance on how not to lose my mind for these first couple of days haha.
Any advice would be much appreciated!
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Under normal circumstances I would move along, not answer this question and leave it to you to experience as a learning curve. A situation like yours is trivial at most but at your age its emotional disaster. The feelings you're experiencing at the moment are new to you, expect mental overload as your mind struggles for a way to handle the flood of unfamiliar emotions. It will be hard to cope with when they hit, but it will pass.... Eventually.
I'm not the type to sugar coat things and for your own good I won't make any exceptions. It is highly likely that this is the beginning of the end of your relationship. It is highly probable that you stopped reading at this point because you don't like what I'm saying. This is a normal psychological defence mechanism, you experienced a comfort zone before your boyfriend left, a time of ease and convenience. Your mind will try to hold on to what gave you content, and therefore will reject strongly any notion on the contrary. The only way to overcome this is to experience it, there is no substitute and no bypassing it. I could tell you to stick it out or to move on, but the best advice I could give you as a man who has "cruised that liner" is to follow your heart and don't hold back. It is imperative that you do what makes you HAPPY regardless of what people say, pour your heart into it, if it doesn't work, you will know that you gave it your best shot and it just was not meant to be. If it does then good. Either way, you will end up much better equipped for life ahead, and believe me, nothing is more valuable.
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I'm in a long-distance relationship as well and, like you, I have had a hard time adjusting. My boyfriend went to college six hours away about a week and a half ago and since then it has been very difficult for me not to feel really sad about it.
I'm going to be honest, sometimes communication is hard. My boyfriend has already started his classes, whereas mine don't start until tomorrow. Sometimes it will feel like he's too busy for you, but don't let that plant a seed in your head. The first few weeks are a time of adjustment, and in the beginning it will be rough and hectic, but you'll get into a good routine and things will start to slow down.
For daily communication, my boyfriend and I like to send quick little texts throughout the day. Just something little to let the other know you're thinking of them. Sometimes in between classes he'll give me a call, but we usually have a 30 minute to hour long conversation over the phone at night once a day or so. Skype is AMAZING and it helps a ton. It's nice to see the other person's face. A couple times a week is great. It's also really good for anniversaries/birthdays. It feels like a treat as compared to texts and phonecalls.
Keeping yourself busy is a great idea. I haven't been very busy lately and it just makes it worse when you sit around with nothing to do and think about how much you miss the other person.
The fact that you already have visits planned is great! Instead of thinking about the long term (the fact that you'll be apart the whole school year), try breaking the time up. When I measure the time in between visits as opposed to the time we're apart overall, things are much, much easier to deal with. Breaking it up into intervals of a few weeks makes it feel much more attainable :)
Keep in mind that people (and websites) are not going to be supportive. Stats on long-distance relationships show that many of them do fail. But if you work hard to sustain your relationship and really want to make it work, I believe that you can do it. It's good to remain realistic about it, but that doesn't mean you have to be negative about it either! Keep an open mind and try not to listen to the naysayers.
It does get easier! :)
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