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Sister and her boyfriend. Unbelievably awkward situation... Please Help asap.
Hey guys, so I'm in an unbelievably awkward situation. Let me explain.
My sister's boyfriend is basically a nightmare.
They are 23 and 24. and have an 8month old son together.
At first he seemed lovely and we all loved him. Then he started staying here like all the time and you know the saying "if you want to know me, come live with me" Well boy, did we see another side to him.
My mom and dad were firm and set ground rules on nights he could stay and couldn't as he had inadvertently moved in. But it never made a difference. They were doing their best to accommodate everyone without upsetting my sister as she wanted him around all the time when she was pregnant which was understandable. I wouldn't mind if he was actually helpful but he's completely lazy and has no job.
He sponges of his grandparents who raised him and are quite well off. He used to interact with us but now he comes in and goes straight to her room.
My other sister and him do not get on AT ALL. My dad hates him so much and has been biting his tongue for a while now. Me and my mom have made a great effort with him.
But it's like he throws it back in our face. He's completely clingy and always has to go everywhere with my sister. He's extremely childish like you wouldn't believe. && He does nothing for his son. My sister is the one who gets up with him and does everything. He lays in bed. He gets pissed off and frustrated easily with him when he cries, and he only takes an interest when people are cooing over him.
He is always telling lies and then lying about those lies. Back in May a close friend committed suicide. My sisters boyfriend made the remark to me alone "I wish I had the guts to do what he did" I replied "That is horrible, so you would leave your son and girlfriend like that?"
his response, yeah.
Trust me he is in no way suicidal. it's all for attention believe me. If I thought for a second he was I'd do something but he isn't. Of course I didn't tell my sister that.
He accused my mother of lying about something back in November, (long story) and basically caused a massive falling out between my mom dad and sister.
The other night, my sister overheard me and my dad talking about him & her. I was so angry and had so many vent up feelings. As I had spent the day with them and my nephew and all he did was bitch and act like a child. He lost his precious batman dvds and was practically accusing one of the family members of taking it! (my sister was giving out to him but he wouldn't stop) It pissed me off because he took some of my box sets without asking, LIED about it when I asked where they were, eventually admitted he took them home by "accident" gives them back and there are missing discs, and I don't even say anything! and he has the nerve to suggest I or anyone else had taken his.
I know you're probably wondering why I never expressed my dislike for him to her, it's because I wanted to be happy for her and let her see it herself. But I don't think she ever will and I know it's not my place to interfere. But when it comes to him walking all over her then it angers me. My sister is very hot headed temperamental and down right impossible to talk to sometimes as she goes on the defensive so quickly. She's not great at confrontation and does a lot of her arguments true text, which I refuse to do as everything gets misconstrued.
About jobs, first he was going to join the army, then he was going to do an EMT course, then a computer software course. and he still has done none of it and is sponging off of social welfare yet my sister makes excuses.
He just causes so many problems. I have a lot of issues with him and a lot of things he has done stored up in my mind. But I know if I express them to her now he will deny it and brainwash her. I don't want to lose my sister but I can't keep my issues with him hidden anymore. What do I do? he is so two faced and cunning. I only have her best interests at heart.
A while ago our other sister was dating a complete asshole aswell. But she's different I could tell her how I felt and she would listen and take it on board and respect me for it, and for trying to make an effort all the while encouraging her that she did deserve better. My other sister (the one in question now) agreed and didn't like him either and she knew how hard it was to try suck it up. So I just want her to see it's the same thing. Sorry this is so long. Any opinions welcome.
How do I approach this? I've already apologised for talking behind her back that I should have done it personally, now I don't know where to go as she just text and said she and her bf are hurt and she doesn't know how to talk to me yet.
help. :(
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The fact that its your parents house and not her boyfriend's house is the first indication that he needs to start fending for his family. Technically him and your sister are responsible for your nephew, not necessarily your parents. Your sister needs to see that. I don't know I would talk to her personally about it, without your parents or anyone nearby and see what she has to say. Then I'd go to your parents. I think you should also talk to him too, and if he's serious with you, or even mature about it. I think you should see what happens from there. I hope things work out for your sister!
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If this has become an issue with your parents then they need to have a sit down and discuss ground rules. The best bet is to give him an ultimatum which is get a job and help around the house or move out with no obligations. This is your parents house and they have every right to express their thoughts on a situation they disapprove of in THEIR house.
Yep, Maybe your sister is pregnant or has a newborn around and no matter what he will always be the father of that child but while the burden is on her it is also on everyone else in the house hold. This guy acts childish and lazy because people are allowing him to act this way. They aren't setting boundaries, rules and giving him a choice to get his act together. Really your best bet is to approach your parents privately about this matter and suggest maybe have a family meeting, Express why you feel the need to have it as well. As long as they allow him to be lazy then he knows he can.
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