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I hate my wife's best friend
I have been with my wife for 4 years. coming into this relationship I knew her bestfriend was her ex. That should of been a red flag for me, but as the years gone by I got to know her bestfriend and the more I got to know her the more I hated her. she seems to always have to top everything I do, from cooking, to baking, to decorating to the way we dress(just so you understand I'm a girl shes a girl we are all girls)the way we raise the kids everything is a compotition. Plus she always talks about herself and what shes doing and how she gets to go out and do this and that know we have young children and we can't do those thing almost like she rubbing it in our faces. The hard part is shes a huge part of my wife's family the sisters look at like a sister and the in-laws love her as a daughter and call her daughter their gran. see i'm the actual wife and I gave 2 grandchildren but i get treated like the outsider. she comes over almost everyday and doesn't know when to leave, she sleeps in my bed uses my shower. but when i try to say anything to my wife she lets me know how wrong i am and that she doesnt understand why i have such a problem with her and that i'm trying to put her in the middle and she won't choose. like today i packed a picnic to take to my wifes work so the kids and i can eat lunch with her but guess whose been there since early in the morning her bestie so now i have to make extra to feed her to. I just feel liek everywhere i go or anything i do her bestie has to be apart of it. they go and have lunch they talk on the phone for hours they tell each other eveything. my wife and i never go out and have lunch just the 2 of us, and she never opens up to me like that. not only that but she would never let me hang out with her at work like that. I don't know what to do. I don't think they are messing around but I want to be the one to be close to my wife not her. any advise?
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Tell your wife you would like to go to marriage counseling. If she refuses to go, go on your own.
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You have to tell your wife this. Go to her and tell her you feel like an outsider. Yes they dated and that's her bestfriend but you are her WIFE & she's supposed to be going out with you and hanging out with you all the time not her bestfriend. Then you should tell the bestfriend to back away some. Tell them your feeling like a third wheel which shouldn't be happening since your the wife. You should also speak to her family about this too. They have to realize that your apart of their family now and they have to treat you the way they are treating the other woman.
You have to tell them that things have to change or your relationship is not going to work out. Maybe she doesn't understand how badly your hurting and if you was to talk to her & really tell her listen im feeling hurt left out & like she's the wife in this relationship & that things needs to change or this isn't going to work out, things might just get better. She'll understand that your hurting and she'll start seeing from your point of view.
Hope this helped :) Good luck. Fight for your wife
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You need to tell your wife what you told us. Tell her you feel you are being competed against and you feel it's starting to interfere with your marriage. Be upfront and honest about how you feel and why you feel the way you do. If you must you can also recommend marriage counseling.
You need to communicate, There also needs to be boundaries. If my husband and I were having a picnic and his best friend were around I would address the issue as
"I understand this is your best friend but I feel like we don't spend much time alone together and do things as a family and I feel like your friendship with ____ is interfering with that."
See how she reacts and what she says back. Communication goes a long way.
If you don't know whether they are messing around or not then you need to dig for the truth. Don't come off as making assumptions or accusing her just watch her actions and response to your concerns. If you must be straight forward then be so but save that part if it's really necessary. That part would just flat out ask if she still has feelings for her ex.
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