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stressed: I lost my best friend to suicide. I know my dad has been cheating on my mom.
Im 20.. 4 years ago i lost my best friend to suicide. I know my dad has been cheating on my mom. for years. Ive kept it to myself. we barely have a relationship me and my dad. i lost another friend 2 years ago, another one last year, and 2 this year. Im in college, i work a lot. I am just beyond stressed. I am trying hard to cope and keep it all together. No one, not my boyfriend, or my best friends, understand how i feel. I am so discouraged. i suffered severe depression for 2 years after my friend committed suicide. i still have depression for sure but i am not suicidal at all. My life is full of anxiety. I can't make a decision to save my life. I do very well in school. Im forming a lot of anger hate and resentment for all that has happened to me and for all that has happened to my friends that lost their lives and for those who are not understanding of how i feel. Im constantly trying to schedule something to look forward to so i keep happy. It's hard to stay truly happy. I am always getting yelled at for being so negative. I've tried hard to change how negative i sound because i know people don't like to be around debby downers.
Basically, I'm at a loss of where i should go at this point. I went to counseling every single year for a period of 2-3 months then leave and not wanna go back because it reminds me of bad stuff and prefer to work it out on my own. I was put on medication for depression but it made my anxiety attacks worse. What else can I do?
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Having suffered from severe depression myself I can relate to how you are feeling. I don't think you have ever fully recovered and may be why you are felling the way you feeling now.
I can also relate to how you feel about therapy as well. For therapy to work best you and the therapist really have to work well together and you must be really comfortable with your therapist. 2 to 3 months of therapy for severe depression is not enough time, in my mind, to truly get at the root cause of your depression.
In my case my depression was triggered by an auto accident that left me disabled. That and dealing with everything that goes with dealing with this type of accident, especially being the victim I fell into a deep depression. I went through several therapists until I found my current therapist. I have been with her for a number of years. I have to remain with her as part of my treatment program for the chronic pain caused by the accident.
My depression, as yours may very well be, was caused by several triggers. Pain was the over riding problem but their were others I had to uncover and learn to deal with before the fog of epression began to lift. I have to deal with my pain every day and this is where my therapist is the most helpful. I see her twice a month and if something happens that causes me to loose control of my pain she is always available by phone.
Depression is a horrible problem but one that can be controlled and concurred if you work at it. You need to find a new therapist. Interview them as if you were interviewing someone to work with you for that is what you are doing. Find someone you are comfortable with telling your deepest darkest secrets to. For whatever is said in therapy stays there, you know that.
Also find a psychiatrist to prescribe medication. Why a psychiatrist? Because most depression is caused by the loss of chemicals secreted in the brain. While an MD can prescribe for you a psychiatrist who is Board Certified is better trained to prescribe for this condition. Proper medicatiopn should avoid the problem you've had in the past with medication.
Hang in there I can attest to the fact that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard work but with the right help you will get there.
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Hey, I definitely get where you're coming from. I think my first friend committed suicide when I was about your age. A few months later my neighbor, whom I babysat for as a teenager took his own life leaving a wife and two kids behind. A year after that my close friend killed herself. It was even worse because I new she was sad, but I was too caught up in my own life to pay it much attention. Recently, another friend decided to end her life as well. That makes four people in just over two years, so I understand loss.
I can relate to the depression and negativity. Sometimes it just consumes you. I don't think people understand sometimes. It's like living your life with a 50lb backpack strapped on; everything just seems so much harder.
I can certainly tell you not to do what I did. Especially after my close friend's suicide, my apartment turned into a minefield of overflowing ashtrays, empty liquor bottles, and discarded fast food wrappers. It allowed me to escape my problems for a time, but they didn't go away, and I just had that many more to face when I finally came around.
What has worked for me is extreme amounts of exercise. I started going into the gym about six months ago. I just took all that anxiety, fear, depression, and anger and tried to let it out on the treadmill or in the weight room. I also took up running and cycling. Sometimes I just strap on my shoes or grab my bike and take off. I just go until I'm too tired to care anymore. I crossed two Georgia counties (and half of a third) on my bike once before I finally reached that point where my mind decide to stop pestering me. Sometimes it helps me to think that I'm running away from everything, just leaving it all behind.
You'll find that a lot of your stress will just melt away after exercising, but I think you do need to put in a lot of time and effort to get to that point.
Other things that I find helpful are music, reading, and being outdoors. I generally have music playing regardless of what I'm doing. It helps me clear my head and focus on other things.
Reading relieves stress in a serious way. I think most people have stayed up too late watching television or Youtube videos at least a couple times, but very few people stay up reading. Why? Because it relaxes you. Find a good story and try to lose yourself in the problems of the protagonist rather than your own issues.
Going outside will also help, and you can combine this with exercise or reading (or listening to music for that matter) to further relieve stress. I think that being cooped up all day really adds to your stress, and getting outside for a while can help considerably.
Lastly, get involved in as much as you can. Sitting alone with your thoughts will drive you crazy, and getting out and working, volunteering, or studying will give you something else to focus on.
You will have to make your own decision as to how you want to deal with your friends. I would say to try and stay positive as much as you can. Your real friends will be there regardless, but staying optimistic with the people you don't know quite as well, you may just find yourself with more friends to talk to in the long run.
Any kind of life change will be difficult for you since you're depressed. The reality is that it will probably cause increased anxiety for the first week or so, as the depressed mind has a tendency to resist change with a ferocity unbeknownst to those lucky enough to lead happier lives. My promise to you is that if you stick with it for a couple of weeks, that initial anxiety will fade away, and you will feel better.
Don't hesitate to send me a message if you ever feel like you need to vent but have nobody to talk to. It's why I have the column.
Take care and good luck.
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