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My boyfriend lied about something very serious.
Please help me;
I have been with my boyfriend for four months, but I fell in love with him well over a year ago. I had just gotten out of an extremely abusive relationship: my ex-boyfriend beat me, starved me, raped me, and every single thing that came out of his mouth was a lie. I suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from what I went through with him. Before that ex, I had another boyfriend who also lied about every single detail of his life and fed me lie after lie, and also robbed me of plenty of money to feed his drug addiction. So, I was really happy to be in a relationship with my long-time crush... For the purpose of this question, I'll call him Bob. I love Bob with all my heart, and I tell Bob everything and never keep secrets from him. He insisted that he does the same with me, but I have caught him in the occasional lie before.
Bob and I live together. Bob goes to work on the weekends while my job gives me weekends off, so today I have the house to myself while he was at work. I was fishing through my things upstairs when I came across a box with letters and things of Bob's. I was reading the letters from his incarcarated friend, who is a mutual acquaintance, when I found underneath the letters was a medical examination form of Bob's from when he was evaluated at his rehabilitation program a few months ago. On this form, I found out that Bob has Hepatitis C. It didn't say how long he had the disease, but the form was from just before we started dating, so he had known he was infected when he entered a relationship with me.
My ex, the one that robbed me, had admitted to me that he had Hep C a few months ago; Bob had calmed me down and assured me it was impossible to get it from sex. I wasn't worried then, though, because I'd been tested since dating that ex and knew I didn't contract it from him. Bob knew that he himself had Hep C at the time, and still didn't tell me. We are both IV drug users, and I normally don't share needles with anyone but we have shared needles on occasion; I trusted him and figured he would have told me if he had a disease I could contract from his blood. Once I found out he had Hepatitis C, I did some research and found out that it is possible, though uncommon, to get Hep C through sex, and more common ways included sharing toothbrushes and razors (which we do occasionally as well), and of course through sharing needles. So there is a very high chance that by now I have contracted the virus from him. He has shared needles with me, knowing that he had Hep C, and knowing that there was a high chance I would get it as well. I am heartbroken by this.
My question is.. How do I go about confronting him on this? I don't want to get aggressive right off the bat, because he'll get aggressive back and accuse me of snooping through his things. I plan on being honest, as I always am with him, and telling him I was looking at the letters when I came across the medical form. I don't know what to do. I love Bob to death, but he blatantly lied to me and let me use his needles when he knew he had the virus. I am so sick to my stomach from this. I know there is a high chance that I now have Hepatitis C. I have read that it can be passed onto children, can lead to serious liver conditions, and is normally permanent or chronic. So if I have it, this is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. To me, it is something I'd want to tell my partner, especially since we are IV drug users. Should I continue to stay with Bob, even though he lied to me about this? Is there a nicer way of confronting him, so he will not be immediately defensive? I just don't know what else to do; hopefully someone here can help me out with some advice. Thanks for your time.
P.S., I am f/23 and Bob is m/30.
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What i feel i receive from you is so much negative energy! But this is a serious case, before you go on blaming him, yelling and making everything much more greater, go get tested. Take care of yourself first, YOU are important! Without yelling at him, sit him down and tell him what happened, you were tempted to snoop (for whatever reason it may be) and talk to him, DO NOT YELL, guys hate that, you are not their mother. If he gets offensive and starts pointing out how you don't trust him because you snooped, bring him back to the subject, when guys are guilty they usually find any excuse to backfire. You are so young! you need to live your life, be happy, and you will attract positive people and positive opportunities in your life. @(ᵕ.ᵕ)@
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If it were me I wouldn't confront him, I would start packing my shit and move out. You do not need to be around someone who is a full blown liar and will impact you and your kids lives negatively with drugs.
I am also a victim of domestic violence, You stated you have Post traumatic stress. I encourage you to get out of the unhealthy relationship you are in NOW. Get yourself into rehab and counseling that can help you cope with the trauma. I also encourage you to see a doctor and get tested for any possible STD.
I would be furious to find out such a lie from someone and you need to see beyond what you "love" and do what is in you and your kids best interest. Being in unhealthy relationships IS going to make that trauma even worse then it already is. I recon that you leave and find someone who will have a positive impact on your life. This is one hell of a thing to lie about and definitely not something that can be forgiven. The best thing you can possibly do at this point and start a new clean slate in your life and move on.
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