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How to move on
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this!
I am 20 and was in my second long relationship about a month and a half ago. We dated for about 3.5 years but were long distance for the last 2.5 years. (about a 6 hour drive but we would still see each other every month at least)
Well I ended things with him because right now things werent working out. He is seriously addicted to drugs(crack and pills) and relapsed after going 90 days strong after getting out of rehab. I have always been there for him and always talked to him and tried to cheer him up. But the fact was, I cant help someone who wont help themselves. My two older brothers suffured from addiction too and I so desperately wanted to free my life from that. Plus I'm in college working on my senior year and will end up doing what I love more than anything and I felt like I was being weighed down.
So those are all the reasons "being friends" wont work for me. I am completely in love with this kid regardless of the fact that drugs are the number one thing in his life. I pray and pray that he finds his way soon and I cant help but find myself holding onto the hope that we will someday make things work.
Here comes my other problem. I am constantly depressed because I'm just waiting for him to find someone else. I feel like he finds relationships to make himself less lonely and then will be clean for a couple months. I am so torn up about the idea of him moving on and being with someone else because I would like to think if he did get clean or did have emotional space to get a girlfriend, he would come back to me. I heard from a mutual friend that he may have been talking to someone else. I never felt worse in my life. Its horrible when someone can move on so fast. But the thing is they weren't sure if he was using "im going out with this girl" as an excuse to get his parents off his back about drugs and lend him money for the "date". because they wouldnt think he was doing drugs if he was dating. So I really dont know what to believe
Then for about a week he has been trying to contact me and left me a voicemail saying how much he wanted to get together and talk and how much he missed me. I ignored it and then 2 nights ago he kept calling and said please just answer so I did.
We havent talked for a month and a half and it was weird. He kept saying he reread and reread this note I wrote him while he was in rehab and how much he wanted to make it work with me one day but knew that he couldn't right now. He said he wasnt talking to anyone.
This call killed me. Now I'm waiting more! I love him so much but I know that I cant sit around waiting because chances are...he will just find someone else. I mean time heals all for most people and his feelings will lessen when he doesnt talk to me. I dont know how to move on and its so hard to resist the urge to just call him and try talking to him when I know hes not what I want right now (just becasue hes what I will want in the future maybe)
Please Please Please Help. sorry that was so long. Just feeling really bad :[
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You cannot help him, He needs to be willing to want to get the help and want to change.
Sitting around waiting for him is a waste of time. I credit you for leaving the relationship, His addiction would of taken a toll on you and your relationship despite the effort of trying. People who are addicted to drugs generally put that before their relationships and even themselves for that matter.
Stop worrying about him and start worrying about YOU, You also have a life and you need to move on and do what is best for you. You will continue to feel bad about it as long as you let him drag you into his problems, For now I would suggest cutting contact. This will make the moving on process a lot better for you. As harsh as it sounds this is his problem not yours.
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It's like you said, you can't help somebody who won't help themselves. You have to move on and leave the past in the past. If he wants to come back to you, it will be when he is ready. The most you can do is pray that he gets help.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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