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you helped me with my advice about my ex druggie bf a couple days ago


Question Posted Saturday June 30 2012, 10:44 am

Okay so I don't know what to do. I don't think I can be his friend at all cause we always end up getting back or hooking up and it plays with my emotions really bad.

A few days ago I got lunch with a mutual friend of ours and of course my ex came up. He asked me if I was talking to him still. And I said no but I didn't have anything against him. He then went on to say that he doesn't know how to feel because he's almost certain he's still relapsing because my ex said he went on a date with this girl (his parents gave him money for this) and was gone from 12 noon till 4 am. Another day he got picked up from this sketchy white truck who no ones ever met and when his dad asked he said he and his friend were going to Miami with these 5 girls.

Now I'm not sure if he's using this as a way to get his parents off his back about his drug use (oh he's hanging out with girls, maybe that means he's clean) or he is really just meeting other people. Or both... but I feel completely broken. I can't believe he said all this about wanting me and still having feelings for me and then is just going out and meeting other girls and giving his number out. I know that one girl got his number but he told one friend he didn't think he wanted to get a girl involved while he was figuring out his life. But this kills me because I thought he would come back to me if he got his life together, not just replace me.

The sad thing is I know we prob will never be able to work out from all we've been through. But that doesn't mean I don't love him and feel horrible. I wish that he really realizedhow much I was there for him. And how good of a girlfriend I was to him. Not just replace me with the snap of his fingers :'(

I've never felt this sad before and like I won't be happy without him in my life. I constantly wonder if he's going to come back this time or if he will just move on with his life :'( this month is the longest we have ever gone without talking so maybe he won't come back and has really moved on with his life. Please any help would be amazing. I feel insecure and like I'm never gonna be happy without him or find someone else :/


[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Saturday July 7 2012, 8:44 pm:
Okay so a quick update. I talked to him last night because he kept trying and trying to get a hold of me cause he found out his friend told me. So we finally talked and he said that he's been clean for a few days now and the whole girl thing never happened. He met a girl at a club and then got her number and the next day explained that he wasn't looking for anything to her. But I kept not trusting him and he swore and all this stuff. But now I feel so self conscious cause she's so pretty and even though people say I'm really pretty I seem to have no confidence :( and I'm scared he's just gonna forget all about me...even though that may be best...help! :(.

Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


pollux answered Tuesday July 10 2012, 7:11 pm:
I'm sorry about the delayed response, I was on vacation and didn't have internet for a while.

I really feel for you here, I've been in similar situations and it hurts. The thing is, if he gave his number out to another girl, he's not replacing you. You were a great girlfriend for him and gave him love and support, and she'll just be another one of his victims if drugs are still ruling his life. In my opinion his behavior definitely indicates relapse, and he's just seeking out the company of other people who will accept that rather than pushing him to get clean and be something more.

I know how hard this is, but right now, I think you have to let him go. For a while you're going to feel like there's no happiness in your life, miss him terribly, feel like you won't find someone else. And you've got to accept that you're going to feel that way while still realizing you're doing the right thing. Maybe he will clean up his act, maybe he will change, but until he does, you can't hang on to that hope. You've got to go on with YOUR life and know that you're an incredible person and a great addition to anyone you're with. And if he chooses drugs, a fast lifestyle, and casual meetups over that, then he's not worth it.

You deserve to find a person who truly appreciates you and doesn't put you second in his life. He won't forget you, I guarantee, and if he realizes he needs to clean up his act, he's going to know that you won't tolerate his behavior and respect you more for it.

I really hope this situation gets better for you.

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