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i cant stop cutting :( please help
14/f
i have been cutting myself since my mom would not let me see my dad(alittle over 2 years).
i have not told anyone,but am considering telling my bf. we have been going out for 5 months and i knoow he will go beserck saying *why havent you told me before*.
i know he will say this cause he is very protective over me.
please help i dont know what to do, lately i have been useing a very dull and small knife,all it does is leave a red mark on me for about 4 hours.
and i want to use a sharp knife, i have willed myself to stay away from sharp knives so i dont get the temtation.
please? any advise is very thankful!!
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Hi Hun,
I know you've probably heard/seen this before, but cutting should never be the answer. It obviously isn't since you're still pretty upset over the tough situation you're in. If you honestly trust your boyfriend enough to tell him something so personal to you, that he wouldn't tell a soul, then yes, go for it and tell him. Even if he freaks out, it just shows how much he cares about you, so don't stress about that too much, see it as a good sign.
I'm sorry that your mom hasn't let you see your dad for the past two years. Have you actually had a serious, grown up talk with her concerning how not being able to see your dad affects you? You deserve a father in your life. If he has done something drastic and awful, then she should let you know about it. Try talking to her and asking the real reason as to why you cannot see him. Then explain to her you've been inflicting damage upon yourself as a result of not being able to see him, IF she still doesn't allow you to after having a serious talk.
Please girlie, stop cutting yourself. It obviously hasn't gotten you anywhere, you're still obviously strongly affected in a bad way from this. Find something else to do that doesn't involve inflicting damage on yourself. You could go out for a walk when you start feeling tempted to harm yourself in any way, or even get up and do a little stretching. Just please, don't hurt yourself ever.
I hope things change for you, and I hope I helped. Best wishes to you.
-JennHenn
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Before you go on to a sharper knife. Lets do something about the cutting that is safer and I think will satisfy your need for cutting until you get the help you need.
Find the biggest, fattest rubber band you can. Let this rubber band hang loosely from your wrist. When you feel the need to cut; snap the rubber band against your wrist. The results should be the same, the release of the stress you are feeling. Plus you can do this anytime anywhere without having to go and hide. This is also much safer than using a knife and possibly cutting yourself in a vein or artery.
Now as for the reasons you cut. Mostly it is stress and depression. The stress is the biggest part of the problem probably over not being able to see your dad. Stress brings on depression. Depression brings on more stress. It is a vicious circle.
You can get help for what is bothering you by going to a trusted teacher and telling him or her or your school principal what you have told us. You can also go to your family doctor and tell the doctor what is happening or go to the local hospital ER. At 14 by federal law you do not need parental permission to see a doctor. You can also call 911 or go to the nearest fire station and ask for help. The stress and depression you are suffering is serious enough to cause you to cut then you need a doctors help to rid yourself of the stress so that the depression will ease. If you can't tell your mom then these are your other options.
If you weren't 14, going through the beginning of puberty with all the stress and changes puberty brings. I might tell you to suck it up and be a big girl and get on with your life. It may just be dad doesn't want to see you and mom is playing the bad guy. But you are 14 and you are going through puberty and you are carrying the extra burden of divorced parents.
This is way to much stress for anyone to carry let alone someone your age. So please take my advice and see a doctor. They have medications that can help you feel better while you talk with a therapist to get better.
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The most important thing, and the best thing you can do to yourself is go get help. Self-harm is very serious, and the lives of people who do it are UNBEARABLE as they are currently being lived. I used to self harm in the past, when my pain was so strong, that I had no other way to feel better. Self-harm may seem like the solution to you, because when you bleed from a cut, your body releases hormones that make you feel better, but in reality, it's very dangerous, and it's not a solution. Go get help for your pain, and you'll learn how to overcome your sadness without cutting. There are ways of handling these emotions without taking it out on yourself. Once you learn the skills on how to do it, it'll not only help you in this area, but in every other painful situation. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon :)
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tell your boyfriend, he will be probably angry upset all kinds of different things but this is only because he cares about you, he'll be concerned and all that. He can help you and support you, and if you're upset you could talk to him instead and tell him how you're feeling, it would help sort of release the emotions and sort of hopefully lower the urge to cut. he will support you and hopefully help you stop.
It's not going to be easy to stop, I won't lie. And even if you try and stop, you'll probably end up doing again after a certain amount of time, but that happens. If you do stop for a while then do it again, don't be super hard on yourself, just say okay, I did it, but I won't do it again. You can't get super frustrated or be hard on yourself for having a bit of a relapse, it happens.
Another really good reason for stopping, or not wanting to do it with a sharper tool or not doing it again in general would be scarring. Trust me when you are older, you are not going to want obvious scars on your arms or legs, or anywhere for that matter
Also, you can get infections from it if you do not properly care for a cut. especially now with there being cases of people getting limbs amputated from getting a flesh eating bacteria in a cut (they got it from a fresh water source like a lake or river).
Just thinking about these things that could go wrong, or the consequences of doing this is a reason to stop, it may be a giant motivator to get you to stop, it may not be. I hope it is.
For things to do when you feel like cutting, just listen to music or go watch your favorite movie, punch the air, think about everything terrible that would come out of it, awful scars, possible infections.
AND the sooner you stop the easier it will be. If you go on doing it, it will become harder to stop, the cutting will become more serious of a problem, more serious of a risk.
There are websites out there that can help one is a community website called Recover Your Life. They have a lot of people who you can talk to. or you can rant about stuff. you can get advice when you're feeling just like your head is spinning, they have a whole part of the site dedicated to "distractions" it's a great site. you can google it. I'm not sure if I can post the link here.
There are also youtube channels where people talk about self-injury one girl "xsullengirlx" is her username she is very good at talking about it, she has many different videos with different topics related to self injury, which can be extremely helpful.
I hope this helps you, and I truly hope you can find the strength to stop. (and sorry this is ridiculously long)
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