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How do I prove Im trustworthy after Ive messed up?
I cheated on my fiancee on a work trip (my job requires alot of travel) when I was out drinking with my coworkers. For some reason she decided to take me back even though I didnt deserve it. After that I vowed I would never do that to her again and I havent. But she still didnt trust me, completely understandable, and i thought that if I showed her I would never do that again by going out but not doing anything she would start to see I could actually be trusted. Then my dumb @#$ lied about going out drinking on another work trip, during which nothing happened, but I still lied to avoid a fight with her. I do love her and respect her even though those actions do not show it. She is an amazing woman and is willing to give me another chance provided we set extreme guidelines to prove that I am capable of being trusted. We are going to counseling and I have completely stopped drinking or going out without her (I havent had a trip yet to prove that) but this isnt enough for her. How else can I show her that I am deserving of this other chance?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First I want to say that yes, you do have a good woman and going to counseling is a good thing. Her setting up boundaries and guidelines is also good for the relationship.
Now, how can you prove you are trustworthy? Be an open book. Hide nothing from her and be available at all times to her. Sometimes we think that lying, even over small things, will protect the other person's feeling. The truth is, it only lowers their confidence in us. Being honest is all you can do. If she does not beleive what you say and wants to dig deep, you have to come up clean...in all areas. You say that you "love her and respect her even though those actions do not show it." This can not be. Your actions must always show that you love her. How? Being honest and putting her first. Don't just tell her but make her know that you respect her, honor her and love her. Figure out what her "love language" is. Does she feel loved when you buy her things or when you give her words of affirmation? Remember, you have viloated her and broke her heart. It's going to take time to mend, but she made the first step to forgive you. Now you must show her that she made the right choice.
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You have asked a very tough question. As someone who has traveled as part of making my living I can understand where the two of you are at the moment. While I have never cheated on my wife it is not hard to put myself in either of your shoes.
Going to counseling is a good first step. If you feel that drinking is the root cause of your problem you might consider going to AA meetings to help with the drinking problem. There are AA meetings all over the country and you can find them almost anywhere you may go.
Not only would AA help with any drinking problem you may have but the meetings you attend while out of town would be a good substitute for the nights spent in the bar. For her part she can attend al anon meetings to talk with people; friends, relatives and other spouses of people with drinking problems to learn how to help you.
My brother in-law is 25 years sober as a member of AA. He and I have discussed AAs' 12 step program many times. Within this program is the vehicle I think you will find what you are looking for to rebuild the trust you want in your relationship. To get there means embracing the program.
Talk to your counselor; see if he or she agrees and then attend a meeting or two. The link below will take you to a page in the AA website where you will find a listing of states click on your state to start the search for a meeting in your area.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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