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please go and read my book(: it would make me so happy and need ur comments
Hey there I am writing a book called the summer of the jews! and it is about a young girl named Margaret that gets sent to a concentration camp and out of all odds meets and falls in love with a nazi soldier!(: ill give you the link and I ask if you would please go and read it and give me your comments and let me know what you think! I am not finished at all but I would like yall to read what I have. Here it is.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) thanks everyone(: PLEASE PLEASE READ!
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I'm going to try and soften this up- I'm glad that you're writing, and you're very creative... but... holy crickets, this is dark.
I've got a real peeve for proper grammar and spelling, please go back over your work and double check your word usage. here are some examples:
sentence 4 paragraph 1: "Manner" not "Manor"
sentence 1 paragraph 2: "since" not "sense"
your sentences are a bit chunky, ie "HitlerJugend" not "Hitler's youth program"
quoting the character's mother in the story- add some exclamation points. think about what that woman is feeling when her children were being taken from her by Nazis. " 'No No No Please No!!' mother shrieked as they dragged me away"
would be acceptable.
don't use "Basically" when describing something in narration. ever.
Nazis used tattoos, not brands, to mark the Jews.
and as far as the love interest's age.... thats a no-go. The S.S. did not use 15 year old boys at any of the camps.
"Because", like "Basically", should not be used in narration.
also- a kid programmed by the HitlerJugend would not be nice to any Jew. remember, he's not only brainwashed, but also a member of The SS. The SS were a bunch of racist Ubermenschen psychopaths.
Overall though, I must say it has a lot of creative thought put into it. even if it is the most morbid of circumstances in which to have a romantic story. By-the-by, what about the other 7 million people that were killed in the camps? it wasn't just the 6 million Jews.
make the changes, and get back to me.
-Gunner
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