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Future parenting


Question Posted Thursday May 10 2012, 2:59 pm

I'm a male about to turn 21, and my girlfriend is 19. We live in different states, but have been dating for over a year, and she has a son. Before this relationship, I didn't even think of the idea of being a father, but the more we talked, the more I become comfortable with the idea. I call him my son now, because that's how I feel. Although, I've never seen him in person yet. Basically, what I'm asking is do you think I'd be a good parent to him?

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xJustAskMeDuhx answered Saturday May 26 2012, 10:26 pm:
I really don't think I can say whether or not you'd be a good father because I don't know you personally and don't know a whole lot about the situation. In fact, I'm not sure anyone can answer that question because it all depends on what being a good father means to you. It's great that you already feel like he's become almost a son to you, and it's great that you're so willing to and are so concerned about being a good father, but liking the idea is not enough. You haven't seen him yet, so you have no idea how that dynamic will work exactly. Not to say that you wouldn't be, just that there's more to it than that.

In my opinion, I have a pretty good idea about what makes a good father, based on my own dad. It's being supportive. It's accepting them for everything they are and not caring about what they're not. It's about listening and understanding, or at the very least trying to. It's about being their rock, their source of stability. It's about being at all their school functions, sports competitions, and science fairs, all with a camera at hand and a smile on your face that lets them know you're proud. It's about easing the pain when they're sick. It's about setting boundaries. It's about wanting to be there like a friend, but knowing your have to be a parents first; you have to ease up when you realize you're wrong, but being firm and disciplinary when you have to. You have to always want the best for them, always care for them, and more importantly, make them feel like you love them and that they are your world.

Just think about it. No need to get too carried away right now or too worried, there's no pressure at this point. Once you meet him, get to know him, and see how things go. Just do what feels right for you. In time, I think the answer to your question will show itself.

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