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I am a junior in high school. Although everyone says it's time to get serious once one reaches junior year, somehow I don't know how to adjust to it. I can be very lazy and seem to be pretty "chill" about this year. I don't seem to give a crap for the life of me and I just can't get my mind focused and out of the "summer zone", the zone where I just don't care about anything. I feel so shitty. I feel like already I am going no where in life! At all! I don't know what I want to do after high school, and I just feel so lost. I realize everyone probably feels this way sometime in high school or later in life, or even earlier, but I just feel so...ugh. I don't even think I can afford college. Not that I am putting excuses on others, but my childhood was very difficult. My father was never there to teach me or tell me about life in high school, and I was never raised to be independent, anyway. Half the time, my mother was going crazy, and she sunk down into a deep depression, as was I when my father abandoned us. Up until freshman year, my life was very dramatic and lonesome. I don't know anything about financial things, or even living on my own for that matter. I feel like a sorry excuse for a teenager and like I will never be able to live on my own and handle myself. I am very forgetful, lazy, and indecisive. I have difficulty paying attention and I try to stay focused and get what I need done, but I don't have much motivation. I'm smart at times and I have so many goals, I also love to write and stuff, but I never figured out what I want to do in life. I need some guidance. I feel scared to go to my parents about this, and I just can't find anything to ease my worrisome thoughts.
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I know right now it's tough and it seems hopeless but you have to push yourself sometimes. We all do things that we don't want to but sometimes you have to push yourself in order to get the things you want. When I was a junior in high school I had no idea what I wanted to do and guess what I've been out of high school for 5 years and I still don't know. That's okay. I'm trying to figure out what I want I'm still young I'm not married and I don't have kids. I have the freedom to figure out what I want and explore. In high school I feel the pressure they put on students is that you have to know what you want and guess what not everyone does and that's ok. I use to sit near this girl in class when I was in junior high and she had goals and always knew what she wanted. Fact of the matter is that there are very few people like that. Think about the positives and think about you possibly would want to do. Try out new things and maybe work in retail see if you like that or maybe work in healthcare and see if you like that. Whatever you find appealing "attack it" and go for it and do the best that you can Life is like a mini mall of opportunities that awaits you. Believe me you're not alone and I'm sure if you ask your peers how they feel most of them would be able to relate to what you're feeling. Think about it, if money weren't an issue what would you want to do? As far as your childhood being difficult, we all go through struggles in our lives its how we overcome them. We are all dealt a hand of cards in our lives its how we play them that matters. I understand how you are feeling all to well and I'm working on making myself happy. I'm not where I want to be but I'm getting surely but slowly I'm getting there. "Life is a journey, not a race" Think positive and believe me I know its hard but you'll get through it and eventually things will work out. Good luck!
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