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forgetfullness?? whats wrong??
Hi there.
I have a question and I hope someone on here can answer it.
First off, my boyfriend is 19 years old, all his life he hasn't had a great memory (he's never had any brain damage, head trauma's, ect) but he did have ADD; He got put on medication for it, and he just stopped taking it because his sister made fun of him; and called him a zombie.
Anyways, we've been together for almost 2 years, and it's starting to worry me. He gets so upset because when I ask him to do something for me (clean, laundry, pick up something, ect) and he says he forgot; and I'll say he's using it as an excuse; he says he really isn't, and he can't help that he forgets, and if he could remember stuff, he would. He doens't like forgetting.
For example, He works 8pm-5am and sleeps ti'll about 2:30pm. I work 8am-6pm; I'll text him on my lunch break and I'll tell him
"Hey, can you clean up the room, and start the laundry"
When I get home NOTHING will be done. He'll be on the PS3 playing basketball, and when I ask him why didn't he do it, he says he forgot.
OR
We'll be watching TV, and I'll get up to go make the bed and pick up our room (we live with my parents) and I'll ask him to do the dishes- he says he will, but he NEVER does. He says he forgets.
Maybe he's lazy, or he really has forgetful memory.
Idk.
Also another thing;
Since we've been together for 2 years, our 'sweet' moment have kind of disappeared--We use to send each other sweet texts and such, and now he doesn't. I mean, I know he loves me but I'd like to be showed every once and awhile. I still do sweet things for him, but only get them in return when i ask for them; he says its because he never thinks of it- could that be from his memory? or would that not apply? Personally, I don't think that applies. You shouldn't have to remember to be 'sweet'. I mean, dont get me wrong, hes affectionate, and always tells me he loves me and stuff, but I'm talking about sweet texts, love notes, flowers, a random card, ect.
Any help?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I have ADD myself, and one does tend to forget to do simple tasks. Generally, I will fully intend to do something, but get involved in something else instead, and time will pass without my really realizing it. I will also occasionally agree to take care of something without really paying attention to what it is, because I'm focused on something else and I'm saying "OK" just to get the other person to stop talking. This isn't something I'm consciously doing to be rude; it happens because there is distraction going on. So, if you want him to hear you, don't try to compete with the TV; wait until a station break or, if you can, pause whatever's on.
However, ADD only excuses so much. There comes a point when that sort of behavior is just plain thoughtlessness, not mere forgetfulness or distraction. If it is literally true that he NEVER follows through on anything, and that he ALWAYS forgets, then he really is being lazy. He needs to start pulling his own weight, plain and simple. Your relationship will only go downhill if he continues to do nothing to support it, and you continue to be placed in a position where you must nag him.
It's also entirely possible that he is suffering from depression, which often goes hand-in-hand with ADD. It isn't helping that he works a night shift, which can contribute to to both ADD and depression by throwing off one's natural biorhythms.
There is more than one medication for ADD. Perhaps he would get better results with a different one (and while he's at it, he needs to tell his nasty sister to butt out and stop making insensitive comments about something she doesn't understand). I take Adderall XR, as does my daughter; it works well for both of us, and by adjusting the dosage one can get results without becoming "zombiefied". He might also benefit from an antidepressant. I would imagine that changing his working hours is probably not a readily available option, but it might not hurt to look into it.
When he starts to feel better in general, hopefully some of the romance will come back. At the moment, I'm guessing (based on my own experience with such things) that he's feeling too down to put in the effort. He may also feel resentful of you for trying to get him to do stuff AND guilty because he knows that what you're asking him to do is not unreasonable. He's stopped being romantic because he doesn't feel romantic, and it DOES take effort to keep a relationship alive. Right now, it sounds like he's putting all the effort he has in him toward just getting through each day. Fix that problem, and the romance and sweetness should come back on its own.
Good luck!
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