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i hate facebook and my curiosity.
my boyfriend of two years and i have had a couple issues with him messaging girls on facebook. i found a conversation once of him telling her he'll send pictures if she does of her boobs, it was graphic and i was upset, yelled and left the house and he came out (after going upstairs to see what i was upset about, i told him to read his messages) and told me that it was an old message that popped up and it was before me (he was a sort of man slut when he was younger, we're both in our early 20's, by the way) but when i wanted to bring it back up to clarify the date he said he had deleted it cause he didn't want to re-read it all, it was embarassing.
other situations have just been smaller things like calling girls pretty and they call him gorgeous, she gives him her number or he has vice versa, if they actually text eachother, i have no idea.
we've had about three major fights about every 6 months or so about this, and the last fight was the worst, we almost broke up. he said he loves me (i am the only person he's ever said this to, me as well, he comes from a bad background so he has trouble trusting people, etc. and i know he really does love me) that i'm his soulmate, there'll never be anyone else but me not trusting him is making the relationship feel tainted, that there's nothing else he can say. some of the girls he mssaged and "flirted" with were co-workers at his old job and that's just how they always talked, the other girls he was just saying hi too, he never texts these girls, he doesn't even respond to some of their messages, he gets messages like these all the time he can't help it. i just find it odd because he doesn't like a lot of people, he finds a lot of them backstabbing and moronic and finds girls for the most part to be sluts (not saying ALL girls ARE but the ones that contact him because hes cute and in a band are) so i just don't see why he messages them if he finds them stupid and slutty and not worth to talk to? i told him how i'm just scared he's going to leave me (me and him met over facebook messaging so i feel it would be just as easy for him to do with another girl), but i apologized for blowing up and i was going to try and stop. the thought of losing him makes me sick.
but i just keep getting this feeling like it'll never stop, he's already said a couple times he would, he deactivated his facebook once because of it all but he's in a band so he has to have one for socializing and marketing purposes, everyone in the band has to be active, which i DO understand. but now, i was just on the computer and his facebook was up and i KNOW i should stop, but i just keep getting this gut feeling and i was right. i found more messages (these are all archived by the way so they're like, messages hidden, put on the backburner, so to speak) to some more girls just saying hi, they didn't answer, one girl gave him her number and said to text her, and he replied "sext you ;)" and she asked why he never texted her (he doesn't have a phone right now though so i dont have to worry about that) and there was a couple other pretty girls he said hello to as well. also ran into an ex the other day and was saying how he tried to hide from her so they wouldn't get in a conversation, etc., but then he messaged her a hi as well.
i just feel like he wouldn't TRULY lie to me, he doesn't seem the type and after two years i think i would know. i and i know there's no way he can cheat on me pyshically cause we live together, we're honestly together 24/7, we even work together currently and have to share the same hours cause of ride situations. part of me just wants to say this is him being a guy, flirting around, some people think that's ok? but i just don't see why he would still find this ok if we've had SEVERAL fights, BIG fights over it, obviously i don't like it. it just seems like sometimes he gives me these answers that SOUND right at the time and i go along with them, but when i think back they don't seem that correct of an argument. AND he's constantly making comments if my phone goes off if its some guy or says about how guys always like my facebook pictures, if i go here dudes are going to hit me on and he's not there to do anything about it, so he's protective over me.
but i'm scared to bring it up anymore cause if i do, i'm sure we'll be done and i honestly couldn't handle that, he is my other half.
during our last fight he told me if i ever see something just to ask him about it but i'm too scared that he'll blow up. you know how some people say to "just do this" but when you actually do it they get pissed anyways...
i just wish i could stop looking at his messages, i just keep hoping to see nothing going on and there's just always something i have to find
i just want some people's opinions. do you think it's just a typical guy flirting, boosting his ego a bit, all couples do it a little (even though i don't flirt with anyone, i barely talk to any guys anymore) or should i bring it up to him? sorry this is such a long ramble, there's just so much to explain i haven't even explained it all so i can more if there's anything else i should add later
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You did not just say he needs facebook for the band? Really?! Let me tell you I dated a guy that was a "rapper" and he cheated on me thanks to facebook and I made the same excuses as you did. It went from just messaging on facebook, to texting, to him actually sleeping with girls! Yes I lived with him and STILL didn't believe it! Open your eyes up before you get hurt as bad as I did. You're staying in a relationship that has no future and no promise that he will ever change. Just let it be. Let it go. The more you're scared to lose him the more he will use that to his advantage. If he really loved you don't you think he would be more than willing to actually change his number? Not talk to girls like that? You might love him, no doubt about that; you actually do seem like you love him. But sweety he doesn't love you. I learned the hard way that they never will! Not the way that you can love.
amsxo.weebly.com << read my blog, I'm sure you will be able to relate.
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I don't think his flirting is the core of the problem here. 'Cause some of what is doing is not even 'typical guy flirting' it's 'typical human contact with other people' - and some of those others, happen to be females.
And some of it has crossed a line where, if I were in your shoes, I'd have some questions for him. Not be storming around furious, but certainly annoyed and seeking explanation.
So yes, you are over-reacting, but you also 'just don't get it' and neither does he.
The thing neither of you get - and the thing I think is your real problem - is how to be friends with people of the opposite sex in respectful and healthy ways while you are in a relationship. It's okay that neither of you get that! A lot of people don't understand in their early twenties. There is a real learning curve to it. We aren't born knowing how to handle all the different relationships in our lives.
But you are both avoiding the issue. You are avoiding it by not having male friends, and barely male acquaintances, and he's avoiding it by not being honest with you about his female friends and acquaintances because he doesn't know A.) that it's okay to have female friends and acquaintances and B.) how to talk about other females-who-are-friends-or-aquaintances with you.
Add to that the fact you two are doing EVERYTHING TOGETHER, this isn't really a healthy arrangement.
Both of you need AND DESERVE other people in your lives, peers, friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Some of those people, are going to be of the opposite sex.
Instead of tackling this as a 'He has a flirting problem" - which in fairness, you do seem to believe that at worst, he has that under pretty good control - give this issue some thought as a "We have problem about how we manage and talk about our friendships."
And stop checking his Facebook. Just make yourself a promise and stop it. Cheaters cheat and get caught. Checking his FB will not protect you from cheating. By this point in his relationship with you - if he wanted to cheat - he'd know not to leave evidence on FB. Protect yourself from cheating by talking to your partner and paying attention to what they say and do.
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