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second chance??
My boyfriend broke up with me on Tuesday, about a week ago. Things were kinda like different like 2 weeks before that but we weren't fighting. We never fight. He just told me he wasn't happy but it wasn't me and not to worry. But it ended, unfortunately
He said he was so nervous to come over and do it and he was shaken up. He said he has been thinking about what to do for a little bit and even when he said he wasn't thinking about it, he was thinking about it. He said he made lists, wrote things down, cried at night, read my notes that I gave him, but he said he thinks it's best that we be done right now and if it's meant to be, we will be together.
It didn't end bad for a beakup. I said "I can't hate you, I can't be mad at you, I can't call you a dick or a douchebag or an ass. All I hope for you is that you find happiness because you deserve to be happy and you deserve the very best. And if you need anything you know I'm here for you and my door is always open for you." Then we hugged and I gave him a kiss on the forehead. He said that killed him to hear that and he doesn't deserve it and I deserve to he happy.. he was crying a lot .. He kept apologizing and saying he is sorry. He hates hurting me. I know he is hurt by it.. he said he will always be here for me and if I need him to call or text. He said he will still bend over backwards for me
He has only had 3 girlfriends, including me and I know his last two ended up bad. The first girlfriend was a psycho apparently and the second one cheated on him, and then there was me. I know he has been hurt in the past and it kills me that people hurt him because he is the sweetest guy I have ever met in my entire life. I keep thinking that maybe since I was the first person to actually give a damn and who actually cared more about him then about herself, that maybe without knowing it, it freaked him out. He has been confused lately. And something is telling me it's because he was scared because he found someone who really and truly cared about him.
He said to me like a month ago that he was falling in love with me and it scared the shit out of him. He would ask me if I could see myself with him in the future and I said yeah I can, can you? and He would say "Yes I can. I can see us going to my cabin, the beach, a bunch of other places. I can see a lot with you down the road." And he said to me before that we would need like 30 air conditioners in our house because I'm always sweating and hot.
I keep thinking that maybe this summer when we are both at home and we have time for ourselves, space, and everything, we come back to school and we can work things back out. He said that it isn't me, that I never did anything wrong and that's why deep down I feel like we can work through this. We have an online class together next year and he said that we would study and whatnot together.
That makes me think that maybe we can try and work things back out. But I don't know.
I told him that I still want him in my life and he said I know and I want to still be in your life too. He said I was never a bad girlfriend and to never think that. He said he is always going to worry about me and he still cares an awful lot. He said he didn't mean to make me feel this hurt, not at all. He kept saying he's truly very sorry for everything. Idk something is telling me deep down that we can work through it. But I don't know if that's wishful thinking or me being stupid.
I went out with my friend on Sunday night it was her 21st birthday. My ex-boyfriend didn't come along cause he had a lot of work to do and honestly who goes out on a sunday. hahah Instead, his roommate came with us. Everything was fine until my friend and I were going to go back to another friend's apartment to have more drinks and whatnot and our guy friend who came out with us asked me what I was doing. and I said "what does it matter? I have no one that cares anymore" and he said "yes you do" and I said "he doesn't care anymore, he doesn't care so what the hell does it matter what I do now" and he said "he does care. he does" and I said "no he doesnt!" and he said "stop it! yes he does. if he didn't care about you why would he be texting me all night asking me to make sure you are okay and to make sure nothing happened to you."
Well then I started crying. You know how that goes. You have one two many drinks in you and sometimes your emotions go crazy. My guy friend was like "he does care.. he's just being a confused guy right now. you just need to be strong." I forget what else he said but it was along those lines.
We still talk and whatnot and we see each other in class, but now that classes are over and summer is rapidly approaching I'm freaking out that it's gonna just be done.
I've been getting many mixed signals lately. I don't know if he might be realizing he made a mistake or maybe it's just me wishful thinking. :/ It's just really confusing. :(
I'm so sorry this is so long and I appreciate it so much that you took the time to read and respond. I honestly just don't know what to think or do or anything. I was just hoping maybe you would have an idea or some helpful advice or something. :) Again, thanks so much for your time.
ps we are both 21
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Hey there,
Thank you for inboxing me :)
Im sorry I'm late replying!
Okay well it definitely sounds like he loves you a lot.
It's clear at the moment he doesn't quite know what he wants. He loves you but is confused. Maybe the thought of commitment is freaking him out? Did he actually give you a reason for the break up other than it wasn't your fault?
If he has broken up with you he needs to realise he can't be involved in the decisions you make any more. Sure he can be there as a friend and look out for you but not to the point of becoming obsessive. It was sweet that his friend said he cared about you but that shouldn't have stopped you going to the apartment if you wanted to.
You need to decide is it worth putting your life on hold for a guy.
Because that is essentially what you will be doing.
Waiting. Until he makes his mind up and figures stuff out. And when he does who's to say this type of thing won't happen again?
You can work through it only if he is willing to give it another go. It has to be a two party thing. You wanting it and him not isn't going to work. You're just going to drive yourself crazy.
Try sit down with him and have a proper talk. Tell him you need to know his reasons. You deserve at least that much.
No matter how much you love someone sometimes you just have to let them go. What use is it wasting away your life while you wait for someone else to figure themselves out? When you could be out enjoying yourself and living your life in the mean time.
The fact that falling in love with you scared the shit out of him is a strong indicator that he is not ready for commitment despite saying he could see himself with you.
I think you were on to something when you said the fact that you are not like the other girls who hurt him scared him.
Perhaps that is what he is used to. And doesn't know how to handle it when he isn't being hurt. Like he's afraid to let his guard down for fear of being hurt. That is something that is always going to hold him back unless he learns to deal with it.
So in a nutshell I would advise you to have a heart to heart see where you stand and then seriously consider moving on. As hard and painful as it may be. Way up the pros and cons in the long wrong.
If he wants to give it another go ,go for it by all means but he has to prove to you that he isn't gonna leave you again down the line.
I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help. This is a difficult enough situation as it's hard to know why exactly he left you other than being confused. It doesn't really make sense.
I understand how you must be feeling. But be strong. If anything you will still have a great friend in him Don't let that go if you can help it.
Good luck and Much <3
If you need any more help please feel free to inbox me again any time. I will try and respond quicker this time!
Jess 18/f
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Well I definitely think that there is a possibility for a future, since you didn't bring up anything about being cheated on or such things that could be considered "unforgivable." If the relationship kind of just died out, then I would say, yes, give it time over the summer so that you can focus on yourselves and see what's really important to you. I would also suggest to still see him every now and then, like maybe go to the beach with him a couple times throughout the summer... the reason I say this is bc I myself am going thru a break up, and the hardest part is that he's my best friend, knows more about me than any of my girlfriends, and so that makes it hard to think that I'm losing a love AND a friend. So, for the summer that's what we're doing, space & such, and we'll see what happens at school in the fall, but were are still going to hang out because we have a friendship that's really important.
You guys seem like you need some space to sort out your feelings, and then maybe have a couple "talks" once you know what you want. Good luck!! I'm sure everything will work out for yall:)
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