|
19 (almost 20) years old and I feel hopeless
I’m finding myself becoming crazy about this guy who can do way better than me. I'm in a major where the environment has a lot more gay guys and girls than straight guys. I've never had a boyfriend. I'm about 20 lbs. overweight, very top heavy and I hate it. I guess I could be pretty if I lost some of that weight (plan on doing so this summer.)
The thing is, finding a boyfriend just for the sake of having one is not really a big priority. Lately, though I realize I’ve been deprived of any kind of intimacy my whole life. Now that I actually like this guy, I can't stop thinking about him. It takes a lot for me to like someone. I'm very inexperienced and shy with boys. And no, I really don't care that much about looks. I've only had true feelings for a few guys in my life, but it's always been the same situation. I always fall for the guy who is semi-handsome (never a hottie), REALLY nice, really friendly, and really funny. He's always a friend, sort of in the same circle but I've never been ridiculously close with any of them.
I fall into the trap of thinking that he likes me because he's nice and flirts with me. The problem is that said guy does this with everyone, not just me, and then I have delusions of grandeur about us being together one day.
It's really hard for me to meet straight guys. No one ever even approaches me. It's not even that I want someone so bad, it's that now I'm really falling for this particular person. This sounds really petty, but I know that if we had a "thing" it would be the talk of the town and I’d get so much positive attention. I just wish I could be in one of those situations, the center of a scandal, but in a good way. It would look so good for me to be with him. Everyone would be so entranced and want to know details. I could be like my other friends who are thin and beautiful and have scandalous flings. Ughh the chances of that ever happening.
I truly do have feelings for him. He’s adorable and hilarious and talented and we get along so well. Right now, I really couldn’t even see myself with anyone else, not that I have a chance with anyone else anyway. I don’t have any other straight guy friends. I try to make them but I don’t even know many straight guys and the ones that I do know I never seem to become friends with. Him and I are friends but I wish we could be closer. He’s older than me, so that makes it even less realistic for me. He’s very personable and friendly but shy with girl stuff.
Like I said, I’m chubby and he’s a little chubby too but the environment we’re in is much easier for guys, so just sucks for me. He’s also really tall and has beautiful hair. He's not beautiful but to me he's out of this world beautiful because I just love everything about him. I’m just smitten by him and I hate it. I know there’s almost no chance he likes me back. I’ll have to do the work because of how shy he is. I’m so shy too though! And I would hate to ruin our friendship,my reputation, and my self-esteem by making things awkward when/if he doesn’t reciprocate.
He’ll do things like randomly hug me and hold my hand and I’ll feel so warm and fuzzy but he does that to every girl (gay sounding I know, but he’s very straight) and even a couple of guys. All of the guys in my circle whether straight or gay have some femininity in them because of being surrounded by gays and women all the time. He had a girlfriend his freshman year who’s kind of weird and not the prettiest. He had a thing with this other girl who is very pretty so I know he can do better than me. His social status has also changed a lot since his freshman year.
I don’t even know the first thing about seducing a guy or initiating romance. It’s so frustrating. Him and I would be perfect together, in my opinion. I finally like someone, but I just don’t see this ever working. I’m desperate for intimacy physically and emotionally and I just want it to be with him. Advice? Thoughts? Personal Experiences?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You know, I love the way you think so forget what those people told you. I know it must be hard since you're the one who feels as if you have to take the first step. You seem to make your weight an issue for you to be rejected but honestly, I feel that if you don't even make it an issue then it shouldn't be one. If weight is a personal issue for you then you should try to work on it, but if you are fine with how you look, then be happy about it and love yourself for who you are, as long as you are healthy. Also, wanting a boyfriend for being the talk of the town, even if it's for a positive thing should not be one of the reasons why you choose to date a guy. Wanting to be 'in' might not bring you the happiness you think you will get. So try to remember that. I know you would love the attention, I mean, which girl wouldn't, and I know he's not the hottie type, but as you described it, people will talk. But trust me, from experience, as I know, that relationships last longer when it's seriously only between the words of the two people that are actually in the relationship. I know you want your turn to shine. You write with much confidence and I feel that you have a challenge that you are faced with. I really feel like you should tell him how you feel. I honestly feel that it is better to have an answer than to not know at all. And I know you are afraid of rejection and hurting your self-esteem, but maybe the odds are already in your favor and he is just waiting for that moment. He has been through relationships before and since he's single now, maybe he has lost his self-esteem in relationships. Self-esteem in relationships and self-esteem around the opposite gender are two different things. I've had two boyfriends before, and though I am more comfortable at talking to other guys now, I am even more terrified of becoming serious with someone else now. The thought of having to go through another breakup is honestly very emotionally demanding. Coming from someone who is clean in that realm, you probably have more confidence than he does. Don't let someone's social status determines your relationship between them. As I mentioned before, your personal relationship is between you and one other person, not you, him and the rest of the environment. And please, keep in mind that just because you are thin does not make you beautiful. The guy already talks to you and he is already your friend. You have such a great advantage already and he already accepts you. Even if he rejects you, which he probably won't, you need to move on knowing that even with how you feel about yourself and your atmosphere, you were able to speak up on your behalf for something you wanted. You have given your opinion, now you just need to hear his. Be a little more confident in yourself and even if things don't work out with him, your confidence will take you further than you could imagine. And I know that sounds cliche, but seriously, it will.
]
Girl, you have to change your way of thinking. I'm sure you can. Start living for you and on the way that you want.You have to be happy with yourself and then you can make other people happy.Who wants a soul that is desperate for having physically and emotionally contact with other people.
]
1. Lose some weight, summer beach bod, etc. <br>
2. Enroll in college, if you are already not a student. <br>
3. Get a fake ;) <br>
4. Go to bars. <br>
5. Start meeting new guys. <br>
^^^^^Bars are a great place to start talking to guys, and not being emotional. Try to play a cool, because from reading all ^^^ up here, I feel like ur the overanalyzing type. Just take a chill pill and go out there and beautiful on the inside out, and don't come off as a crazy girl, and it will be no trouble finding a good guy:)
Good luck xx
]
More Questions: |