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Follow up
I guess I should add more background... I'm 20/m and have had something of a chaotic last year, made up of physical drug dependence a year ago that took a while to get over, extreme heartbreak, and then emotional drug dependence (weed) to not feel the depression/self-loathing.
I quit smoking about a week and a half ago, and while there's a lot more clarity to my life (I can't just smoke my feelings away anymore), I do still feel the depression, self-loathing, and suicide ideation.
Out of desperation, I went to my college's counseling center and saw a therapist, who I am seeing weekly now (the second appointment being on Friday). I like him, and do plan on sticking with him if only just to talk. There's a psychiatric element to the program if he thinks I need it, but at this point I'm wary of medication because I'm pretty sure I'll end up abusing it.
I have close friends that I talk to, but I don't tell anyone about the suicidal thoughts or the more extreme parts of how I feel half the time, which is why I like the therapist. And it really is half the time... I've felt fine for three and a half days now, so sometime in the next 1-2 days I will probably mentally collapse into the darkness for a few days, before miraculously drifting out.
But anyway, I don't really have a question: I just wanted to add some background to hopefully get some more perspective from you.
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This only turned up in my e-mail box now. The inbox on Advicenators is notorious for glitches. You have taken the right steps. The major thing you have GOT to tell the therapist is that you abuse drugs of any type and dread medication as you don't think you can be trusted. They'll know what to do about that.
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