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Depresion, Dont find anything good in life, Empathic and Emotional
I have been having some issues as of lately but I couldn't find anyone to talk about it. My parents and siblings would probably just call me "drama queen" or "baby" and even though I have some good friends I can't help but feel that I can only count with and trust myself. I'm fifteen years old 5'4", very fair skinned and skinny even though last time I checked I was 112 lbs. I have thyroid problems, dry skin, lots of dandruff and may possibly have abscence epilepsy. The neurologist still hasn't read my results and I have to wait March twenty something to know if I do have and if I do I will have to take more pills. I have very low self-esteem problems and I have this really bad thing of empathy going on... You know when you put yourself in other people's shoes and feel what they feel? I do that, A LOT. With my friends, family, amimals and even TV. I have very poor social skills that I have slowly been trying to fix but whenever I'm around other people I feel really shy and don't know what to say so sometimes I just blurt out random things. At times peole look at me and laugh, other times I get ignored, or I start an actual conversation and if not they just look at me with weird looks like probably thinking "wtf?". Well there's also the fact that the empathy thing sometimes gets me too emotional (actually I cry vey easily) like in movies I place myself in the place of the character and when I try to like choose which one has the good point I can't, because I am really inconsistent. One day I like blue, the other I like purple and the other I like yellow or green. In fact as of now I don't have a favorite color. There's this guy that's new at school and he and I are pretty good friends (he's like an annoying big brother) but there are times in which we start calling each other names and he always gets carried away (even though he probably doesn't know that) when he calls me wash board. See this is kind of more personal but I'll still share it; I have a very small chest that can nearly be considered flat chested. I have trouble in summer picking out swim suits because I get afraid that prople will see how my chest looks like and that gets my self-esteem low along with me not interacting much with people because: 1) I'm afraid that since my chest can barely hold a 32A my top will fall off while in the pool, 2) I can't swin and am afraid of deep water so I don't have as much fun as them and that even makes me seem anti-social while in truth I'm just afraid of drowning and at times I envy them for having such great free spirits and courage while lil me just stand in the side lines admiring them and looking up to them wishing that I could actually be more like them and less like... well ME. Also I have never had a boyfriend before or had my first kiss while most of all of my friends have had them already. Even though I won't get into that stupid self-peer pressure I still kind of like a loser. There is this guy though that I kind of well I'm not sure if I like him or admire him or both. He's kind of a bit of a womanizer at times but he doesn't really mean it, he's actually very serious when it comes to relationships and such. He's with me in my class room and there at this moments in which I look around the class room, bored, and my eyes meet his and for a second I think that I blush so I look away real quick. I know he doesn't like me though, because I heard some time ago that he liked another friend of mine who is really sweet and is actually his best friend (which is the main reason as to why I don't want to admit I like him and am acually trying to help her with him and want for them to be happy together).
My mom and dad are always fighting and once she asked me (since I'm the oldest of my siblings) what would I do/say if she and my dad divorced. Honestly I was pretty shocked, but kept my cool and said: "Nothing, because it's your life and I'm your daughter so I can't really tell what you can or can't do. That's your choice yo make but I don't know know what my siblings would say about that." She never really did it though. I knew she wouldn't because of us. And that made me feel horrible. I mean for all I know she and probably don't love each other anymore are still together for the sake of us. I'm not saying that I want them to split though, just a relationship without love is not a relationship. Ugh, again that empathy thing, I can't help but think about how everybody is feeling. In movies when something embarrassing happens I cover my face in embarrassement as if though I'm passing the humiliating moment. In I Am Number Four, when the beagle was hurt my eyes were stinging with tears and right now just remembering it is making me sad again. Transformers 3? Boy did I cry. When Ironhide was killed, when they killed the Einstein robot, when they were about to shoot Bumblebee. I cried in all those scenes. In Paranormal Activity 3 I went to see it with a group of friend and honestly I wasn't scared if the movie, buy the minute everything started happening I was scared senseless, I wanted to run out of the theater like another froend of mine had done when the movie had just started, I was also curious about it like the guys in front of us, I was about to shit my self like the friend next to me and I wanted to cry (which I did) like a one the girls that was seated like five or six chairs to my right. The funny thing is that I didn't know any of that had happened after we got out of the theater and my best friend who had been paying more attention to everybody else than me (I was completely fixated on the movie) told me. There are lots of other family problems that go around but not with or about me and yet I still feel like a rock has been lifted and dropped onto my shoulders, and it just keeps getting bigger the more problems my family and friends keep telling and laying on me. Actually there are times in which I get paranoid and start thinking people are reading my mind, or that someone is watching me or sometimes that my dreams and even the TV are trying to send me a message but I don't know why is it. Oh almost forgot, I hope its not something weird but there are moments in which I watch some movie like a ninja movie and I actually start thinking that I'm the one on the TV like the ninja, I begin imagining what it would be like and next thing I know I imagining I'm the one and start to either space out jump and run across the house exited.
What I'm asking for is someone to just listen (or in this case read) what I have to say and give me some helpful advice to deal with all of this.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Okay first you are a good weight and size for yourself. Second dandruff you can go to walmart and its a dark blue bottle that comes in a box in the shampoos it has Ketocozole in it. the name starts with a N. just ask the people in the phasmacy they can help it does wonders it will take a couple weeks to start working just follow the direction although it says 3-4 days. I use mine every other day but i use it twice and the second time i use it and a conditioner. i just switch that patteren every other shower. you can fix the thyriod problems with your doctor. Trust me a big chest isnt what it always looks like it sucks i can never find a bra that really fits they cause back pain. its not fun. I really think you should talk to a therapist It sounds to me that you are depressed? an anti depressant could make you happier. just give it try and this person you wont no personally and you can go in there and talk to them and tell them how you feel and they just listen to you and give you the best advice they can give.
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